


No time to die now

by the_winterfloof_17



Series: No time to die here, love [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Alternate Universe - World War II, Angst, Avengers Tower, Extremis Tony Stark, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Rating: M, Time travel Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:02:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25134313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_winterfloof_17/pseuds/the_winterfloof_17
Summary: Fem! Toni!One second, she remembered fighting, it was a normal day fighting doom bots. But all of a sudden, Toni is in the 40s', fighting side-by-side with the Howling Commandos and seeing Steve in a different light. She knows one thing for sure, Loki has too many tricks up his sleeve for her to be stuck here. Will someone please tell Bucky Barnes to stop calling her doll face.Also, why is Howard being annoyingly nice to her all of a sudden?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: No time to die here, love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874452
Comments: 23
Kudos: 179





	1. Brooklyn, 1943

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story so I apologize if there are spelling errors or the timeline isn't correct. 
> 
> Please share your thoughts on what I could improve on too, because that would be super helpful. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Toni remembered was fighting with the Avengers, Nat and Clint were fighting side by side, Cap was fighting alongside the newly found Winter Soldier, and Bruce or the Other guy was smashing things like usual. Wanda and Vision were fighting, everything was fine. Iron Man was fighting in the air like usual, it _was_ a simple battle, or so Toni thought it was. Not even after that, not until a portal... Loki opened a portal and since Toni is a genius, anyone would have thought she saw it coming, but no. She fell right through it, not even realizing what was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Updated chapter February 2021*

When Toni opened her eyes, the first thing she realized was that the suit had somehow tapped back into the arc reactor. Toni remembered creating the nanobots to be able to come out of the arc reactor instead. She was in a shield uniform, but there was a throbbing pain in her side at the moment. She stood up, only for her body to scream in outrage over the action. She had hoped though that the Extremis would start sooner or later. Toni grunted as she got to her feet and realized, holy shit, this is definitely not New York. She tried rubbing her eyes but nope, she was here. It was New York but it wasn’t her New York. There was no more fighting at least, no doombots or whatever. 

“Ok, ok, Toni, you can figure this out, you can figure this out. Maybe they redecorated while you were gone. Or you landed in a different part of the city.” She mumbled to herself, Jesus, if I’m dead, this better be a good heaven. She didn’t believe in god but hey, if this was his way of a cruel joke, she could play along. She touched her chest to touch the arc reactor since that was the only thing calming her down right now. “Thank god I have this at least.” She mumbled, god I could use a drink right now. But then she remembered, she still had the earpiece, it was connected to Friday but she prayed that she would respond.

“Friday?” No response.

“Friday?” No response. But then there was a crackling sound.

“Friday? Can you hear me?” She paused and listened, hearing crackling noises before finally hearing the AI’s voice. “Boss? Where are we? I can’t find a signal from any satellite.” She sighed in relief at the sound of the Irish accent, thank god there was someone in this world that she knew. 

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out Fri, I don’t think we’re in New York anymore.” She scanned the city, it was busy, and people were laughing and playing in the streets.

“Boss, my readings are telling me that we are in Brooklyn right now.” 

“What’s the year, Fri?” if Friday was a person, then this was the moment she’d pause and think about the answer, “the year is 1943, Miss Stark.” _Holy shit..._ , she thought, _she was here the year Steve Rogers would become part of the Project: Rebirth_. “Well fuck me, Friday do you know what this means?”

“No boss, what does this mean?” She rolled her eyes at her sassy tone, ignoring it and said “Capsicle hasn’t become a supersoldier yet.” She started walking, and somewhat jumping on the roofs of the buildings. She looked around and realized there weren’t any skyscrapers yet, no Stark tower, that’s for sure. Toni finally decided to look down at the throbbing pain in her side only to see that there was a very sharp object stick out from the side. Extremis when are you gonna start working!

“Friday do you know why there’s a sharp something in my side?” She knew it was a stupid question but she could ask anyway. Toni already had an idea but she wanted to hear what Friday had to say. “It seems, boss, that you must’ve fallen on something when falling from wherever it is that you fell from. I would recommend going to a hospital or asking for medical assistance in the least.” Toni huffed, she hated hospitals and its chemical smells and clean objects. Asking for medical assistance was like asking for pity from a stranger. “I can’t go to hospital because of this thing, or ask for medical assistance. I don’t need to be turned into a science experiment. This would attract all kinds of attention.” She thought out loud, not noticing her missing her step on the next roof. 

She gasped, suddenly all the memories of the nuke into space and falling from the Stark tower by Loki came back to her. Luckily for Toni, there was a worn out couch to save her from dying yet again. Or at least she thought it was until well she fell on something, and something hard. “Fuck!” She yelled as her vision was blurry, all she could see were two figures suddenly standing in front of her. 

“Ma'am are you alright? Ma'am?” 

“Stevie, stop talkin! Ya prob’ly scarin her!” There was a silence as Toni was helped to her feet, she groaned to herself before her vision became clear. Standing before her was a short man with blonde hair and clear blue eyes and another that was taller than Toni and the shorter man with brown hair and silver grey eyes. 

“Miss, are ya alright?” She straightened, trying to figure out where she went wrong with everything in life as the two men continued to stare at her. “Yes, I’m fine. Um, thank you for catching me, I guess.” Toni tried to avoid the gaze that a certain brunette was giving her. She wanted to shiver but stopped herself from doing so. 

“Are you sure, m’am, you fell pretty far.” She looked closer, and once again if God was trying to play a curel joke on her right now, he once again succeeded. Not only was this man short and had blonde hair or blue eyes, she realized this was preserum Steve. And that tall brunette was James Buchanan Barnes, the best friend of Steve Rogers. Toni was tempted to pinch herself and ask Jarvis if this was all real but decided against it. She also forgot that Cap was a gentleman and too polite for his own good sometimes. She was really tempted to say 'it’s been too long Grandpa' but, again, decided against it. 

“Boys, calm down, I’m fine, really. Do you have a first aid kit by any chance?” The men both looked at eachother, probably thinking whether Toni was crazy or not but whatever. Technically, Friday did say that she needed medical assistance so why not ask the pre serum man with a plan for assistance? Ah. if only Steve could see her now, actually asking for help for once. “I-I--uh have one at our apartment, if ya wanna come with us.” Bucky finally spoke up, Toni noting the slight blush that Steve had on his face. 

“Thanks, I didn’t catch your names.” She said, raising her eyebrow at them playfully. Steve blushed even harder at that motion while Bucky just winked at her. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes, but everybody calls me Bucky. What's your name gorgeous?” Toni slightly stumbled over the sidewalk as they were walking and had to shake her head slightly at the comment. “My name is um, Toni, Toni Carbonell.” If she said Toni Stark, that would attract too much attention so this was the better and safer way to do it. Besides her mother would be laughing in her grave right now over this. "My name is Steve Rogers ma'am." Toni shook Steve's hand, making it already weird to be doing this all over again.

The three of them reached a small apartment and walked in. Toni wouldn’t be surprised if it had one small bed and a bathtub but it was small but it felt like _home_ for some reason. _God, I could really use some music right now_. Toni was about ready to ask Friday to play AC/DC but didn’t. If she did, Toni could swear that Steve and Bucky would think she was insane. So instead, she just hummed along to Highway to Hell as they walked in. “It’s not much lady, but we have some gauze an’ scissors here. I could check if we have---”

“No it’s fine. Honestly, I’m surprised you’d let a stranger even in to give me this.” Toni could’ve sworn she heard fighting going on outside but not before a gun went off. Steve and Bucky both froze while Toni grabbed the medical kit. “Does that normally happen? Like shooting and fighting near your apartment?” She said while grabbing tape and the gauze. “Well, uh, yeah, but it’s normal, ya get use ta it.” Steve said, sounding slightly ashamed and embarrassed. 

“It’s fine, where I lived, that sort of happened but not really.” Steve nodded at that and Toni finally got to analyze that wound. It seemed that some sort of leftover pol from the portal in New York came flying through with her. Groaning, she pulled it, ignoring the expressions both Steve and Bucky made while looking at it. She was still wearing the SHIELD combat gear but she could take it off. She pulled it off and set to work on getting the bleeding under control. _Clearly, fuckin extremis has not set in yet so I hate everything right now_ , Toni thought to herself, inspecting the wound.

“What’s that thing in your chest?” Steve said, nodding towards the arc reactor in Toni’s chest. 

“Steve! Don’t say that! Jesus, that’s rude-” Toni laughed, if anyone ever told her that she would be standing here with two supersoldiers, and Bucky actually had manners, she wouldn’t believe it. She remembered Howard always saying that Bucky was a lady’s man, a real flirt with the girls. “It’s fine, I uh, don’t really talk about it much so it’s ok.” Usually Toni would be embarrassed about showing the reactor off. She still remembered when Pepper nearly fainted when she saw it after Toni came back from Afghanistan. 

After fixing the wound, Toni finally could understand her surroundings. She asked Steve for some paper and got to work on what was happening here. “So it’s 1943, it’s World War II time, and it seems that preserum Steve was as cute as a button. She was glad that he was still the same flustered, polite man that he was when she met him. Although those words were still fresh when they first met, they still stuck to her. _Take that off, what are you?_ Good question, honestly at this point, Steve I wouldn’t know now. She continued writing down ideas and quickly connecting the dots. 

“Fri? I need you to find anything and everything on Project: Rebirth. I need to know the idea of what has and hasn’t happened.” She whispered quietly to the AI, thankfully, she still had EDITH, thank god for the technology she brought with her at least. _I don’t think I’m gonna last with all of this old tech laying around_. Friday pulled up what information she could, bless her artificial fullness, and read what she could. She realized that Steve was still trying to enlist while Bucky might or might’ve been enlisted already. She checked the time, it was already 3:30 am, _well crap_. 

She walked into the kitchen, which really only took like three steps, and looked for coffee there was. Thankfully, there was coffee and tea lying on the table. She quietly, or at least tried, to make the coffee and drank it greedily. What would she do without her coffee? “Are you drinkin coffee right now?” Toni squealed, almost spilling the coffee at the shadow at the door of the bedroom. “Um yes, is that a problem?” 

“It’s almost 4 in the morning, doll. Whatcha doin up at this time?” Toni mentally confirmed that Bucky Barnes might just be the death of her if he kept calling her doll. “Can’t sleep, this is my way of not sleeping.” Toni did realize that drinking coffee at 4 am or so was maybe a little weird to do here in the 1940s, but hey, screw it because she’s not just any _dame_. “Well, care to join me, it’s a little cold in my bed right now.” _Thank god for no lights right now. Screw you Barnes and your flirtiness_. “Haha, nice try, buddy, but I’m just gonna lay down on this couch. It’s quite comfy actually.”

“It’s not but ok, I’ll tell Stevie you said that.” She rolled her eyes. “Is it so hard to believe that it’s- ok nevermind. Just go back to sleep, unless you came down here for a reason.” Bucky walked over to her, ignoring the continuous babbling that Toni made a habit of. “I’m shipping out soon and I guess I don’t know how ta tell Stevie.” Toni chewed the inside of her cheek thinking about, in a week or so Bucky would ship out, Steve would follow soon, a day or two after for boot camp. “Bucky, you should tell him, otherwise he will be angry the next time you see him. Your part of the 107th, right?” Ok, so maybe that was a bad idea to mention she already knew that he was recruited for the 107th but boo hoo, the past was already changing because of her.

“I-I, how did ya know?” Bucky said, surprised a little. “I saw the enlistment papers or whatever, something to do with the 107th.” He nodded back at her, shifting in his position. “I dunno how ta tell Stevie.” Toni was tempted to say _it’s not that hard_ , but they were men, men had pride, ego, something like that that people told Toni all the time. She was a genius, philanthropist, had a big ego if someone asked. But this was war so she might as well ignore all the things that made her Toni Stark. 

“Look, I know if I said it’s easy, it ain’t easy, but at least tell him something. You say your best friends, best friends wouldn’t lie to each other.” At one point, Toni was convinced that Steve and Bucky were a thing, but eventually she swallowed her pride and finally asked. In return, she got laughter and a hug from them both. “If I tell him, then you have to come with us the night before I leave.” She sighed, going to _a_ Stark Expo was no biggie, but when it was _her_ father’s Expo, she would say no. “Alright, fine, I’m planning on dragging you both with me to get clothes tomorrow then.” Bucky chuckled before walking back into his bedroom and Toni finally exhaled. 

God, she was gonna need more coffee after this.


	2. Stark Expo, 1943

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is offered something and must think for a second, and think of how some things could change the future in different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made the chapter longer because I felt like the first chapter was shorter. Also, I'm making this chapter into two parts instead.
> 
> *Updated February 2021*

Toni woke up, about five hours later after her last coffee, stretching on the old couch in the apartment. A part of her was really hoping that it was all a dream but no. Here, Toni Stark was, in the 1940s, with two supersoldiers, in a tiny apartment. She grumbled to herself as she got up, hearing her bones groan in protest. Yeah Toni was in her twenties but she already had problems that a twenty something year old shouldn’t have. As she got up, it seemed good to call on Bucky Barnes to come out shirtless following a short Steve with a coughing fit. Honestly, if this was her life now, she’d be ok with it. Even though future Bucky still didn’t exactly like her but it was enough that they got along. She still had to repeat to him that she _did_ forgive him, on multiple occasions. 

“Stevie, how many more times am I gonna tell ya that you need to stop layin on your chest. That’s not gonna help with your breathin’.” Toni snorted, _ugh if only Capsicle and snowflake could see me now_. She really was tempted to say hi to the man with a plan but she stopped. “Well, well if it isn’t my favorite duo ever. Hurry up, we’re going shopping losers.” Clint would approve of her if he was here. Bucky rolled his eyes while Steve blushed quietly, Toni really wished she could take a photo of it. She quietly put the earpiece back in, hearing the crackling sound of it, and pushed her hair a certain way to hide it. She ended up borrowing a dress from Bucky’s sister, apparently she left at their apartment. Toni was silently hoping she wasn’t wearing a stranger’s dress though. She ended up wearing a navy blue dress that went down to her knee with a sweetheart neckline. It had a black belt around her waist. 

Toni would never understand the extra pieces of clothing that a woman had to wear in this era. First thing she would do if she got back was wearing skinny jeans or lingerie for a week if she didn’t have to wear these clothes again. Toni hated dresses, she only ever wore them for business meetings. Though she was told that she looked good in them, Toni wasn’t a fan. She’d rather wear her skinny jeans or the mom jeans Pepper got her. The heels were acceptable, she just wished they were a tiny bit higher. 

Thank god, for some miracle, Toni still had her wallet though it wouldn't do much in this era. Toni followed Steve and Bucky for a while, they showed all the different shops a woman would go. She gagged at all the dresses, pink was one of them. _Oh hell no, I’m not wearing pink_. After a small argument with the Brooklyn boys, Toni finally agreed to let them pay for her clothes. In return, she let Bucky and Steve both pick at least one dress out, luckily they weren’t entirely girly colors. Steve’s dress was a dark maroon, and Bucky’s was a navy blue. 

“We should go somewhere ta eat. Whadya think Stevie, show this pretty dame our favorite diner?” Bucky smirked at the blush Toni tried to conceal. _Fuck you Barnes_. Steve rolled his eyes, and showed Toni their diner. It was a small place, wasn’t too popular, but Toni knew somehow it was a part of Steve and Bucky’s life. “Wow, I feel so honored, yes this is exactly the way to show a _dame_ around.” She grumbled sarcastically as they ordered. She slouched slightly as Steve and Bucky talked about anything. 

But then she saw a flicker, a flicker of something she hoped to not see again. It was gold horns, no that can’t be right. _Wasn’t he supposed to be dead or in Asgard?_ Before Toni knew what she was doing, she jumped up, “I-I have to go to the little girl’s room. Don’t wait to eat!” She scrambled to the bathroom, trying to catch on to what she just saw. There were other girls touching up their hair or makeup and chatting, clogging the air with perfume that reminded Toni of her grandma. She scurried to a stall and put the lid of the toilet down. 

“Friday, is there, by any chance in 14 million ways that Loki is here?” She breathed heavily as the bathroom slowly started to fall silent. 

“You are ruining my fun, dear Antonia.” Loki appeared before, scepter in hand, smiling down at her. 

“You are supposed to be dead or at least in Asgard! Please don’t tell me what I think you're gonna say!” Loki smirked down at her, the laughter and mischief in his eyes said it all. “Goddammit Loki! Why?!” She was frantically trying to wrap her head around this right now, wanted to put the suit on and just punch the wall. “Oh, come now mortal, don’t tell me it was not funny to you? I was simply bored!” 

“Simply bored?! What, I’m a toy to play with now?! Why didn’t you just play another prank war with Clint or something!” Toni tried, _really, really tried_ to not raise her voice, but when it comes to Loki, all hell goes loose. “Antonia, there is a reason why I brought you here though. Not just for my fun.”

“Oh?! Oh really?! You couldn’t just teach me over a phone call or a cup of coffee? You just had to send me back in time!” She screeched, hoping to god that no one was listening. “I understand you are mad, but there is a lesson behind this. I hope that you will be smart enough to understand it.” In a flash, Loki was gone. Toni huffed, all of sudden she felt like everything wasn’t making sense like it did before. There were questions running through her brain that just couldn’t be answered. 

“Miss, are you alright?” Startled, Toni quickly flushed the toilet, and opened the stall. There, in military uniform, was her dear Aunt Peggy. Toni stuttered, mouth gaping like a fish, _this day just keeps getting worse and worse_. “Yes, I-I’m fine, thank you. I, um, was just on my way out. I’m so sorry.” Peggy smiled a little and went into the stall. Toni looked at the mirror in front of her, she was tempted to smash it. _God, or any god out there, please so help me please_. She washed her hands and walked out, zoning out all the talking that Bucky and Steve did. 

Suddenly, there were screams coming as a man with a gun came walking in. _Yup, I just jinxed my entire day_. The man raised the gun and fired at random as everyone scrambled to run or walk away. “Come on! Let’s go!” Bucky yelled, grabbing Steve and Toni following. They ran through people, some people following them behind. The man yelled something about wanting the diner’s money, shooting at random again and again. Toni looked back as a small group stood outside the diner, whispering and yelling about what to do. Nobody was really doing anything, just yelling to call the police or something. She sighed, _yeah Toni, let’s go save people, this is not the way to draw attention to yourself_. “Screw it.” She said, Bucky turning towards her in confusion. “What? Toni, you aren’t going back in there!” Toni ignored everything at that moment, she really just wanted to go home. But if Loki or anyone wasn’t planning on making that possible, there was always Toni’s way. _I can be plenty without the goddamn suit, I am Toni Stark_. She ran in, ignoring Steve and Bucky’s protests.

She saw the man with a gun, cornering a mother and her child when she punched the man. Taken by surprise, the man dropped the gun and fell to the ground. The mother and child ran out while Toni grabbed the gun and pointed it at the man. He scrambled to get up, punching her in the face in the process, Toni ended up putting him in a headlock with her thighs. Natasha would be shaking in her widow bites right now or merely hiding it. One thing that Toni tended to keep from anyone, including her dear platypus and Pepper, was that she knew how to fight. Martial arts training, knew how to put a gun together in the span of 3 seconds. She knew everything, and that was because she knew Howard would never go looking for her if she was kidnapped. (Which happened on multiple occasions in her childhood,) not that Howard cared, of course. She kept that information for a very long time from SHIELD and Nick Fury. Toni still wanted people to think she was weak, because when they didn’t see it coming, that’s what she loved most. 

At the moment, Toni tasted blood, but didn’t care, she kicked the man unconscious. Throwing the gun to the side, she walked out. When Toni saw the police, she told them where the guy was and walked away. She returned back to a very shocked Bucky and Steve, who just gaped at her. “What’s wrong guys? Cat got your tongue?” They stuttered, clearly lost at words for what they just witnessed.

“Ya got um, a little something on your chin.” Bucky said, pointing to the dribble of blood that ran down from her nose to her chin. Toni nodded and started to wipe away the blood when she felt a tap on her shoulder, she turned around only to meet her Aunt Peggy’s eyes. “That was quite a brave act there, what’s your name?” Toni swallowed, _Hi Aunt Peggy, my name is Toni Stark, I’m Howard’s daughter from the future, how’s your day been Auntie_. “Uh Toni Carbonell, I think we met in the bathroom, right?” Peggy slightly blushed at that but shook Toni’s hand anyway. She discreetly handed Toni a card, a business card. Holy shit. 

“A girl like you could be of use in the army or working with me at least, don’t you think?” Peggy said, raising an eyebrow at Toni, who blushed in response. “I’ll think about miss, but I can’t promise anything.” Peggy nodded and then walked away leaving Bucky and Steve shocked, and Toni looking like she just saw a ghost. “We should go home now.” Steve finally said, Bucky and Toni nodding their heads in agreement. _Well that just happened, I was offered a job by Auntie_. Toni sighed and followed the two soldiers home, still trying to wrap her head around a few things that happened today. 

____________

Toni read the card over and over again, if she agreed to this, she would become an agent, a part of an agency that would be turned into SHIELD. Toni bit her thinking about it, she could do it, use a different name, become an agent, possibly train men into soldiers. Become an ally with Steve and the Howling Commandos, fight side by side with them. It seemed like such a good idea, it made sense. But even when Toni was drinking her coffee, it still didn’t sit right with her. Because as much as it would be fun to play soldier with Cap and his buddies, she needed to get home. Toni also felt like, even if she did try to get home, Loki would turn up out of nowhere and shove her back into the past. “Maybe if I follow along with his plans, I could get him to take me home.” She mumbled, tapping the arc reactor in thought. She also wondered though, how would she even be able to get home. The technology wasn’t the same here, the thing that she needed the most would probably end with the tesseract. Toni huffed, she didn’t even want to think about that, the tesseract was a stone, one of the infinity stones that she learned more about. 

She stood up, pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how this could work. She wanted to yell, scream, punch something, do anything to stop herself from thinking that life itself was over. Yes, call Toni dramatic or crazy for saying it, but being in a different time period made it sound more pleasing to say. Toni also realized she missed one last detail, if she worked with Peggy, that would mean seeing Howard around more often. A part of her was curious, she had always wondered what Howard was like before he became a drunk, abusive, ignorant father to her. But the other part of her was screaming to get away from the idea, he would be the same, through and through. Toni groaned, pulling a hand through her hair as she continued pacing.

“If you keep moving like that, there’s definitely gonna be a hole in the floor.” Toni looked towards the direction of the voice, blue grey eyes meeting her whiskey brown ones. “Sorry, I just have a lot to think about at the moment.” She shifted, still in thought when fingers snapped in front of her. “Well, jus’ wanna tell ya that dinner is ready.” 

“Thanks Mother, I’ll be there in a second.” Bucky rolled his eyes before walking out, leaving Toni to her thinking.

____________

It was the beginning of the week when Toni started to realize that she should just go with it, what was that thing Clint always said, YOLO was it? She hated this but it was definitely a yolo moment. So when Toni called Peggy on a phone outside of a library, and Peggy actually picked up, Toni froze. The conversation was simple though, Toni would come in, she would become an agent, and train men into soldiers. Peggy told her to come in, in the middle of the week, to swear in, tell no soul, yada yada yada. One thing Toni knew was that government work was boring, working with SHIELD was ok, because there was Nick Fury. She loved annoying Nick too much not to enjoy the work he gave her sometimes on something new. 

It was Wednesday now, and Toni dressed in a neat navy blue dress with a keyhole neckline and a black double breasted coat. She put light makeup on which wasn’t Toni’s thing really, but she figured she could try not to look tired and crappy today. She wore black heels and tried to suppress any feeling she had, which was doubt. A car waited outside for her, a man opened the door for her, and she stepped in. Toni was silently hoping that whatever was happening today would not change the future. But deep down, she knew that it wasn’t entirely possible. Toni would have to make sure to keep herself in check, try to follow the timeline as much as possible. _Easy peasy, right, don’t flirt with Stevie or Bucky_. 

The car stopped, in front of her was the SSR office, it was meant to blend in, although it looked as if it could be, no that's not right, a library? “Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Toni turned towards the driver and he nodded. She stepped out, immediately seeing Peggy standing at the front. Peggy smiled at her softly, bringing all the memories that Toni had with her Aunt growing up. They walked into the building, yes it was definitely a library or bookstore at least, Toni hadn’t been in one in ages. She heard Peggy say something about an umbrella and looked up to see doors opening. _Fascinating, they have code words_. Toni looked around as she followed Peggy to an empty room, there standing before her was Colonel Philips and Howard Stark. It seemed that Peggy was interrupting something because the Colonel looked up from the pile of folders he had, Howard playing with a pen and slouching in a chair. “I hope I’m not interrupting something, Colonel. This is the girl I was talking to you about.” 

Peggy gestured to Toni to sit down, following her, as Colonel Philips eyed her. Howard perked up immediately, eyeing her curiously, and perhaps looking less bored. “Yes, are you planning on bringing as many women into this as you want just because they fight?” Peggy rolled her eyes in return, ignoring Howard’s slight snort. 

“No, I believe she will be a good asset to us. She knows how to fight.” Colonel Philips narrowed his eyes at Toni, Toni looking back at him as if she had done this thousands of times before. “I tried to look for a file on her, but couldn't find one.” He said, looking to Peggy for an explanation. 

“I believe that’s my fault, you see, I am actually from Italy, my family is from Italy, and sadly they did not make it because of those Nazis. We tried crossing the border to escape but no one from my family made it except for me. By the time I arrived in New York by boat, I had lost many belongings, including my passport. The only thing I can tell you is my last name is Carbonell. I also swear on my mother’s grave, god bless her soul, that I am no spy.” Toni really, really tried not to laugh over the whole thing, _sorry Maria_. Peggy and Howard looked at her with pity while the Colonel eyed her warily. 

“Alright fine, she’s on board, but don’t cross me, Miss. Carbonell.” Toni nodded as she swore in, promising not to double cross anyone and whatnot. She let Howard know as well that she was an engineer, had some experience with engineering weapons, and boy was he excited. Finally, Toni could leave, her feet ached, and the makeup was annoying her already. She had kept her hair in a tight bun and it was annoying the crap out of her so much. She was offered a car back but refused. Toni put on the aviators that she bought, and walked outside. Toni remembered when Steve would sometimes talk about his childhood in Brooklyn, Bucky adding the amount of times Steve got into a fight. Toni didn’t believe before but being here made it more and more believable. It was at that moment that she rounded a corner, passing an alley when she heard crashing. 

Toni walked towards the noise, only stopping when it was none other than Steve Rogers himself. There was a much taller guy fighting Steve to a pulp right now. “Hey! Get fuck away from him, you asshole!” She walked right up to the guy, punching him hard in the face. The man looked at her, “ooh, ya got a mouth on you, I like that.” Toni laughed, kicking him again and grabbing a heel. The man started running away from her, saying she was crazy. “Yeah, well pick on someone your own size!” She screamed back, ignoring the frightened faces of people passing her. 

Toni turned back to Steve, pulling him up. “Jesus Steve, are you alright?” She said, pulling him up and brushing the dirt off him. 

“Ya know, you didn’t have ta do that. I had him.” Toni rolled her eyes, _now I know why he was always stubborn_. “Yeah well who was winning, you and that tin can shield or the big guy?” Steve rolled his eyes at her, straightening up. 

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Let me guess, Stevie here got in ta ‘nother fight and Toni, you are the sidekick with a shoe as a weapon.” Bucky said, standing in full uniform. 

“Hey! I stopped shrimpie from getting any more injured than he already is. The shoe just scared the guy away after I punched him.” Toni used Steve as a balance while she put her shoe back on. “Ya know, I don’t need both of you here, I was fine by myself.” Steve huffed, glaring at them both. “Well, child, I was just passing from a meeting and heard you. You weren’t being very quiet so I wanted to join in on the fun.” Toni smiled at the blush on Steve’s face and Bucky’s snort. “Alright ladies, what are we doing tonight? Getting drunk, seeing a few things we’ll regret?” This time, both Steve and Bucky laughed, easing Toni’s anxiety levels slightly. 

“We are going somewhere that will be exciting and fun.”

“Where are we going?”

“The future.” Bucky said, sounding very excited about it. Toni regretted now not asking how Bucky ever felt seeing the Stark Expo. She would definitely have Friday make a note for asking when she got back. Right now, she didn’t know if she felt excited or anxious on seeing her father at the first Stark Expo.


	3. A Stark Expo and Missions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni goes to the Expo and receives some new information from Peggy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Updated chapter February 2021*

Toni was eating everything that was given to her, which included ice cream, cotton candy, and popcorn. She had asked Friday what the best way was to cope with seeing one’s father again. Drinking was definitely off the table, Toni didn’t want to be a burden if she was drunk. Being a burden and drunk was a no from her book. There were people all over the place, girls jumping up down and some men in uniform. It was Bucky’s last night here, and already knowing Bucky loved the future, he brought Steve and Toni along with two other girls. She forgot their names already but they were just chatting away, completely ignoring Steve. Toni already knew that in a few moments or so, Steve would try to enlist again and succeed, meeting Dr. Erskine. 

At the moment though, Toni was drinking a beer and sitting on a crate, bored out of her goddamn mind. “Friday, if dear old Dad doesn’t show anytime soon, I’m leaving.” She said, taking a swig of beer, watching the two girls make a fool of themselves in front of Bucky. Steve came over, sitting next to her. He looked bored too, _glad I’m not the only one bored here. Come on dad, how long does it take to show a flying car_. “I’m gonna go see one of the exhibits, do ya wanna come with me?” Steve said, looking at her with uncertainty. She swallowed, “sure, why not. I’m bored anyway, and it seems Bucky forgot us already.” From there, they walked in, looking at the history of something Toni didn’t care about. She watched Steve stand in front of a mirror with the soldier figure on it. She sighed, it was tempting to just go up to Steve and just tell him what would happen. But what was the point then, he would know, and it would change a lot of things then. 

“Hey Steve, I just want to tell you something real quick.” Steve looked at her, ready to hear whatever it was that was coming out of her mouth. 

“Ok, what is it?” Toni looked at Steve again, trying to think of the right words. 

Taking a swig of beer, Toni looked at him,“I just want you to know that whatever happens, you promise me that you’ll keep enlisting. I know Bucky doesn’t encourage it but don’t let him or anyone stop you from enlisting. The war needs someone like you, strong minded and hopeful. Ready to fight and sacrifice whatever you have to protect this country. Do. Not. Let. Anyone, I mean anyone, stop you. Ya got it?” Steve looked at her like she just grew another head, shocked by the words Toni said. God, even Toni was surprised by her own words. 

“T-thanks Toni.” She smiled at him, no other words needed to be said. Toni always knew that Steve was stubborn, but seeing as he was the little guy at the moment, she could help him. Toni pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly to her. 

“There you two are! I thought you guys left me.” Bucky strolled up to them, smiling softly at the two of them. Steve blushed while Toni just rolled her eyes at the comment. She decided that this was her moment to leave the two, in a matter of minutes, Dr. Erskine would either see or hear Steve and approach him after Steve would try to enlist again. This could all happen if it started with talk from Bucky about not enlisting. Toni also knew that she was already missing the show that Howard was showing but it was fine. But everything changed all of a sudden when a woman appeared next to Toni, making Toni look away in time to see the woman passing her a note.

“It’s from Agent Carter, she had this sent to you. She was unable to reach you in person. Good luck Agent.” Toni nodded as the woman left as discreetly as she arrived. She opened the note

> _Toni, report to boot camp immediately tonight, Colonel Philips would like you to start training the new soldiers immediately. There is a car waiting for you outside of Howard’s Expo_.

Toni sighed, _well, I guess I’m working now as an agent, god help me_.

“Friday, where is EDITH?” If she was going to boot camp already, might as well bring everything with her which wasn’t much but eh, it’ll do. “They are still in Mr. Rogers’ and Barnes’ apartment, Miss. I would recommend retrieving them before leaving for training.” Toni nodded, looking back at the two young men who were talking. They looked like they were in a disagreement but it ended quickly when Bucky ruffled Steve’s hair.

“Steve, Bucky, I am sad to say this but I have to leave now. I have to report immediately I guess.” Steve looked saddened by it but hugged her anyway. “Well, don’t have too much fun you two. I wanna be up there with you guys.” Steve said, smiling at the two. 

“Relax, Rogers. I’ll save all the fun for when you're there. Plus, guess who’s gonna be training Barnes over here.” Toni poked Bucky’s side as she said it, laughing at his blushing face. “I can’t believe you're gonna be training me. Should I be worried?” Toni laughed, _yes, you should be_ , but she shook her head no. “Nah, I’ll go easy on ya. But can’t promise anything. Bye Steve, see ya soon Buckaroo.” Toni kissed them both on the cheek.

“Don’t get into too much trouble Stevie.” Steve smiled sadly, “how can I? You’re taking all the trouble with her over there.” Bucky laughed before walking back to the girls. Toni started to walk away, feeling Bucky’s eyes on her before turning away. She swallowed, she needed to make sure that no feelings were involved in this. She knew it wouldn’t help if she had feelings for Bucky before his death. Even though Toni knew that he was alive and well, kinda, but it would still hurt. Bucky and her weren’t best friends but they were friends enough that they got along for Steve’s sake. After hearing about Steve looking for his best bud, she offered to help look. In doing so, she and Steve narrowly avoided becoming less of friends and more of enemies had she not offered. After Ultron, trust was wavering a little but she could at least make up for it by looking for the Winter Soldier.

But at this moment, none of that had happened yet, and Toni already knew that the timeline was slightly changing bit by bit. But she had hoped at least that Steve would meet Dr. Erskine in a few minutes after he tries to enlist again. 

____________

Toni saw the car waiting for her and hopped in, asking the driver to drop by the apartment first. The drive was quiet, and she was given a folder to look over. It had information about the new Project: Rebirth, which had no candidate recommended _yet_ , but that would change soon enough. She read over the information, noting the serum would be used with Vita Radiation which would be able to successfully make Steve into Mr. Spangles. 

The driver announced their arrival at the apartment and Toni swiftly walked out, opening the door, and closing it quickly. She quickly gathered all of her items including the drawings and the EDITH glasses. As she was collecting all of her items, she ignored the shadow that stood behind her. Toni had an idea but just in case, tapped her arc reactor. The nanobots formed into her gauntlet and pointed it at the shadow. Standing before her was Loki, smirking slightly. “Paranoid are we? You have nothing to fear as I have come to retrieve you.” 

“Thought you said I was supposed to be here to learn a lesson or something.” Loki looked at her, already sensing her hesitation. “Do you wish to stay? I did not think you would take what I said very seriously, Antonia.” 

“I can’t leave yet, I don’t care what you said but I feel like maybe I should be here. You wouldn’t have sent me through the portal for a reason.” Loki studied her, already knowing that she was right. Toni was meant to be here whether it was for Loki’s personal fun or something else. “You are right but it is your decision. If you wish to stay, I will have to tell your other teammates. They have been trying to find out how to get you back. Are you aware of that?” 

“Well, I actually didn’t really think they cared that much to look for me but I guess it makes sense. But my decision is final, I can’t leave yet. I feel like maybe there is something here that I’m supposed to know or learn as you said. But Loki, don’t make me regret my decision staying here, if the others ask, just tell them I had left this place. You couldn’t catch me in time.” Loki smirked, disappearing in an instant, leaving Toni to pray that she made the right choice. She probably did sound a little crazy about this but there was a sense. _Maybe there is a purpose that I have to be here_. She grabbed the rest of her stuff and walked out the door. 

____________

She arrived late at midnight, the camp was dusty and there were tents set up everywhere. She didn’t really ask where they were, but the plane ride would explain that it was somewhere in Europe. Usually Toni would ask so many questions that half the time she wouldn’t get an answer at all, but here, she wouldn’t question it. Toni just needed to go along with everything without causing suspicion. The door was opened and she was met by Peggy. Peggy smiled and offered her a hand which Toni gladly took. 

“I hope your trip wasn’t too much of a hassle, dear. Philips and I were hoping to get you here as soon as possible. If you follow me, we can explain why.” Toni nodded and followed, Peggy asking the driver to drop them off at her tent. _Lovely, I’m spending my time in a tent now_. She was really praying to any god that she wouldn’t regret not taking Loki’s offer earlier. “I hope you don’t mind me asking but I thought you wanted me here for training those incoming men?” 

“We do, but we also have a mission for you. But that mission won’t be for a few weeks at least.” Toni nodded again, trying to wrap her head around. “Here is the folder we have that we want you to look through,” Peggy handed her a folder as they met at a table in the mess hall. “This is all the information that we have so far on HYDRA. They apparently have been able to retrieve the tesseract and are planning to use it to make weapons for the Third Reich. The leader of HYDRA is Johann Schmidt, and the doctor who is helping him is Arnim Zola, who is planning on making weapons using the power of the tesseract. Unfortunately, no one knows the true extent of how powerful the tesseract is. But your mission is or will be, depending on how Colonel Phillips will plan it out, will be to try to retrieve the tesseract and bring it back to us. If you are unable to do that, at least try to bring back a few weapons and try to destroy the base if it’s possible. Any questions?” 

Toni froze, hearing all of this was like listening to a debrief in SHIELD all over again except it was usually Steve doing all the talking. “No, I don't have any questions, what happens if I am unable to get the tesseract or any weapons? Do you want me to retreat?” Peggy was hesitant to answer but smiled softly, “if you can’t get any of that, retreat, but if you are able to see any clues of how many bases there are. That would help immensely darling. But for now, the Colonel and I would both like you here for the next few weeks. You’ll leave at a different time than the 107th, and be heading to Italy.” Toni nodded once again and got up to leave. “Do be careful around here, the men tend to forget their manners during training. I do encourage discipline if necessary.” Peggy smirked at her and Toni laughed, walking towards the tent outside. All of the tents were empty at the moment until the new men arrived in a few hours, including Mr. Bucky Barnes. Knowing that she wouldn’t sleep, Toni read through the file that Peggy had given her. It seems now that under Project: Rebirth, they now had a candidate. _Steve Rogers_ , it read, making Toni laugh. Steve would be coming in a few weeks but she wasn’t sure if he was going to be in a different unit or not from Bucky’s. 

Toni just prayed, once again, that she was making the right decision here, she was putting her life at risk to stop HYDRA and fight alongside Bucky and Steve. She just hoped that she didn’t die in this timeline as much as she would love to fight. 

____________

It was six am when Friday woke her, telling her that the men had arrived a few minutes ago. _God, I better get a better beach bod out of doing this_. She wasn’t one for the beach but hey, after this, she might take Rhodey and Pepper to the beach in Malibu. She put on her uniform which was a cargo jumpsuit, she wore a white cotton shirt underneath and white tank top. The military combat boots were uncomfortable but she’d just have to suck it up. Toni put her aviators on and walked out of her tent, her dog tags hitting the arc reactor every so often. She walked up to the group, standing next to Peggy, whose hair was curled and staying put. How Peggy could keep her hair together perfectly was beyond Toni. Toni couldn’t stand her black hair getting in the way so she put it in a bun. 

“This is Agent Carbonell, she will be training you for the next few weeks. You listen to her when she commands you. You respect her and you will listen to her otherwise she will discipline you. Am I clear soldiers?” A yes came from the crowd while Toni just smirked, it was six am but she was already interested in this. 

“Alright soldiers, I’m Agent Toni Carbonell, you will refer to me as Miss. Carbonell or Agent Carbonell. You call me by my first name, you either get a punch to where the sun doesn't shine or twenty laps around the camp. Am I clear soldiers?” The men nodded, already intimidated by her. “If I see or hear any funny business going on such as pranking others, bullying others, or having inside jokes, I will most certainly make sure you have a rough time here.” She heard a few men gulp at that but hey, scaring them won’t hurt. 

“Since it’s your first day, I’ll go easy on you all. But after today, no easy way. I will be teaching everything there is to know about fighting a war. Putting a gun together, fighting hand to hand, running as many laps as you possibly can, and learning how to shoot properly.” Toni stared at them, watching them all shift uncomfortably, “the first person to get me a nice cup of coffee won’t have to run ten laps.” 

They all looked at her owlishly, expecting more, “that means now, you idiots!” The men scrambled to run into the mess hall to get her a coffee as she laughed. Peggy chuckled before leaving Toni alone. Two minutes later, someone ran up to her, handing her a nice coffee. “Hmm, this tastes about right, what's your name, soldier?” She said, sipping her coffee, ignoring the sting of the temperature. 

“James Barnes, ma’am.” 

“Only you would know what to put in my coffee Barnes. Alright no laps for you, but remember I’m going easy on you all.” Bucky laughed before standing next to her.

“Alright since, this soldier got here before you all could, ten laps, all of you. If I see anyone slow down, it’s five more laps for everyone.” The men huffed before starting to walk to the track that was dirt. Bucky laughed at them as they followed. “Did you even sleep last night? You look tired.” Toni rolled her eyes but wasn’t surprised at all. Bucky was the only one always paying attention to her, mother henning her until she came out of the lab. “Yes, I’m fine mom, didn’t know you cared much about my sleep schedule.” 

“Well, how many hours did you get?”

“Enough…” 

“Toni.”

“Yes, mom?” Toni smirked as Bucky rolled his eyes at her, “you are very annoyin’ doll, but I like ya too much to complain.” This time Toni rolled her eyes but she went with it. She watched the men run in, some falling behind but making it around the track enough. They were almost two laps away from finishing when one man stopped just for a second. _Oops_. “Uh oh, I’m seeing a few of you stopping already, five more laps ladies.” She heard the men groan and mimicked their groaning, “yes, I know it’s so hard. The faster you run, this won’t have to be so bad.” Toni continued to drink her coffee as they finished the ten laps and did the five laps. Bucky just watched the men, bored out of his mind. “So, how did your last night go. Do anything fun after the expo?” 

“Eh, not much, I danced a bit with the two girls I brought along, went home, talked with Stevie a little while. Then I was here, how did your night go?”

“Boring and boring. Was given some information on some stuff, but yeah, that’s about it. Nothing exciting, travel was quick.” Bucky nodded, looking away, thinking about his next question. 

“So can I ask one thing. You don’t got ta tell me but I was wondering, how’d you become an agent?” 

Toni swallowed at the question, she had an answer but at the same time, she didn’t really know either. Peggy had just gone up to her after the attempted robbery, gave her a card, visited the SSR and then became an agent. “To be honest, I dunno really, maybe Agent Carter was impressed by my skills but I don’t know really. I can tell you that I did meet Howard Stark though.” Bucky brightened at those words, gaping at her. “Really? What was he like?” Toni shrugged, she couldn’t really recall saying anything to Howard. “It was brief, he laughed at something I said I think, I don’t know I was really bored at the time.” Bucky snorted, “only you would be bored with meeting a famous person.” Toni shrugged, looking back at the now panting soldiers who were now done.

“Yay! Good job, you guys finished in record time, it’s breakfast time!” They all looked at her like she was crazy, including Bucky. 

“If you guys don’t eat, you're welcome to continue running more laps.” They all hurried to the mess hall as Toni just laughed. She looked at Bucky and said “See ya later, Barnes. Don’t do anything stupid.” 

____________

It was now nearly evening, the first day of training had successfully ended with no injuries or teasing from any of the new soldiers. Toni was exhausted so she left the men to their own devices as she walked back to her tent. She looked at all the files of information that was spread out over her bed and asked Friday about it all. Planning was never Toni’s thing, she just did it without thinking, the self-sacrificing person that she is. Steve always had the plan, the other Avengers would follow, but Toni usually didn’t. It was really just a pattern, Steve made a plan, Avengers followed it, Toni didn’t, and then in the end Steve would just give her his Captain America is disappointed face. But Mr. Man with a plan hasn’t existed yet so the planning is left with Toni. 

“Miss, I would advise that this mission could be life or death.” She nodded at the words that the earpiece said and looked her plan over. It wasn’t a clean plan, it would also possibly consist of her using the Iron Man suit but that had to be for emergencies. Although to be fair, Peggy never said that she could just pretend to be lost or something and get captured by HYDRA only for her to escape. _I’d only become an experiment if they saw the reactor_. Toni sighed, she needed to figure out a plan where it didn’t involve her getting killed or at least captured. But she already knew that being captured would be fifty-fifty. 

____________

The mess hall was loud, soldiers were bickering left and right, some were even throwing food. Toni sighed, guess she wasn’t going to be in the mess hall for long. Toni sat down by herself, putting the EDITH glasses, she was able to I.D every soldier that was there. She tapped the glasses and they immediately zeroed in on the soon-to-be Howling Commandos, recognizing Dum Dum Dougan and Jim Morita. She didn’t see the others but they would come sooner or later. “Isn’t it nice to look at all the men here?” 

Toni jumped, whirling around to see Howard Stark chuckling at her. “Uh, I guess, although they uh don’t have manners.” Howard sat down next to her with a tray of food, setting down some blueprints as well. “So you told me you were an engineer somewhere back in Italy, yes?” Toni nodded, “great, well I managed to get some blueprints from a friend of the weapons HYDRA plan on using. Take a look.” He pushed the blueprints toward Toni, showing the diagram and measurements. “Ya know, if Pegs and Colonel Phillips are sending you out there, you might wanna learn some German. I would suggest more than one language but it’s a start.” Toni nodded, too speechless to say anything else. 

“Yeah, uh, definitely will learn German, thanks.” Howard nodded before leaving her with the blueprints. Toni ended up wrapping up with eating and folded the blueprints. She was already exhausted from the day and continued to trudge towards her tent. Before going back to her tent, Toni managed to find a few books from a few soldiers on German. It wasn't much but it was enough to start with. Back in her tent, Toni looked over the blueprints one more time, trying to figure out how she was going to bring these back. 

____________

It had been two weeks now, it was the middle of June now when Peggy approached Toni. Toni was training the soldiers like usual when Peggy approached. “Sorry to interrupt your training but Colonel Phillips is asking that you and I both be at the experiment for Project: Rebirth. It is happening in a few hours so we can get there in no time.” 

“Well jeez, didn’t leave me any warning ahead of time? Alright fine, at ease soldiers, today you will have no training as I have to be somewhere else. If I hear any funny business from any of the corporals then you will be punished when I get back. Now get outta here.” The men all walked away as Toni and Peggy left. She could feel, once again, Bucky’s eyes on her for a fraction of a second before walking back to his tent. 

The travel was quick and the two women were there in no time. Toni smiled as Steve saw her and almost towards her to hug her. “Urgh, I missed you! I hope you haven’t had too much trouble while I was away.” Steve shook his head, smiling at her again before saying hello to Peggy again. Toni could tell that Steve was nervous about getting the serum but it was hopefully gonna be worth it. Preserum Steve would become Captain Righteous or whatever and all would be ok. All the important people gathered into the building, sitting down and waiting. Toni watched from where Steve was getting prepared for the serum, watching her father get ready turn the Vita Rays on.

She had always remembered when Howard, when he was drunk, describe how he had turned Steve into Captain America. Sometimes he would describe it with sadness but also pride too. Toni watched as Dr. Erskine gave him penicillin before the doors closed on Steve. Howard increased the amount of power that was going into Steve as the room was blocked by the light. Steve yelled and immediately Peggy said to shut it down but Steve was brave enough to say no. Before long, the capsule was opening and there, standing mighty and righteous himself, was Steve Rogers, _Captain America, god I missed calling him man with a plan_. There was sweat dripping down his body and he was tall, _really, really tall_. He towered over Peggy and all the nurses and Toni, hell even Howard was shorter too. 

But the next thing that would happen couldn’t be changed by Toni, Toni knew in two minutes gunshots would go off, so she did what she could, meaning she was already running after the man that HYDRA had sent. 

Toni felt the heat start from the Extremis as the man, Heinz Kruger, started shooting. He was able to shoot Dr. Erskine four times before running after him. One shot was able to lodge itself in Toni’s shoulder as she chased after the man. Peggy and Steve both followed as the man continued to shoot. Apparently Kruger had backup because as soon as she left the building, the other SSR agents were dead or injured. Toni took off her heels and suddenly started running, Steve following her as Peggy tried to shoot Kruger from a distance, stopping when Steve and Toni were ahead of her. “Toni! You're injured!” Steve exclaimed but Toni ignored it, running faster, grabbing the gun from the holster she had at her hip. 

Toni had to stop though, the pain in her shoulder was throbbing and Extremis or the nanobots hadn’t kicked in yet. Steve ran ahead of her, chasing the man down and jumping on taxis. Toni panted as Peggy was able to catch up to her. “Toni, your hurt,” Peggy wheezed before continuing, “we, uh need to get you checked out.” Toni shook her head, “don’t worry, I’m fine, just give me a minute.” Surprisingly, Peggy listened and left her on her own. 

“Friday, were you able to identify Kruger?”

“Yes, Miss. Stark.”

“Reason for why he killed Dr. Erskine?”

“HYDRA had apparently sent Kruger to assassinate Erskine, in the notes that were left behind, it appeared Mr. Rogers was able to catch up to Kruger before Kruger killed himself.” Toni huffed, _Jesus, Steve, first day on the serum and you're already trying to save America_. “Alright, write that down for later.” 

____________

“Honestly for the last time Colonel, I assure you, I’m fine. Look, I’m walking, my shoulder is moving, I’m fine!” Howard, Peggy, and Colonel Phillips were all staring at Toni as the doctor examined Toni’s wound. “She’s right, it appears the bullet wound went right through and hit Dr. Erskine instead. She’s good to go Colonel.” The Colonel sighed, looking at Toni, “alright fine, but just to be sure, no training for a week at least.” 

The trio left after that, leaving Toni to think about what happened. They were able to return to bootcamp and Toni hadn’t heard from Steve yet but she knew Senator Brandt probably offered the position to be America’s hero on the USO tour soon enough. She was tired, she felt dirty, and looked dirty. Nothing except coffee would help Toni make it through today. 

She silently walked in the cool summer air to the mess hall where Toni could hear soldiers making a lot of noise. _How did this become my life?_ Toni rolled her eyes as she walked in, ignoring a stare from a certain soldier to get coffee. Her arm was in a sling right now but once she was at her tent, Toni would definitely take it off. “I’m gonna assume that your day didn’t go so well doll.” Toni smiled at the voice, turning around to see Bucky looking concerned. 

“You wanna ask, go write to Steve and he can tell you instead.” 

“What’d the idiot do this time?”

“Assassination attempt by someone, killed the Doc, Steve was able to get to him but he committed suicide by the time Steve tried to question him. I tried to save the doctor but I got shot in the process.” 

“Well, at least you have lived to tell the tale. How’s the shoulder?”

“It could’ve been worse but it’s fine. Doc said I was good to go but the Colonel is making me wear this for a week.” Bucky smirked at those words but the two were able to talk more after that until Toni was showing signs of how exhausted she was. Bucky slowly tried to hold her up but most of Toni’s weight was leaning against Bucky. She was very light though and ended up just picking her up bridal style. They were walking when something fell. “Ack! Wait stop, I need that! Bucky!” Bucky halted and let Toni down as she walked back to pick up the earpiece that fell out. “Care ta tell me what that is or should I not question it.” Toni shrugged and made grabby hands for Bucky to pick her up again, which Bucky gladly did. 

Bucky was able to get Toni to her tent before she just layed down, face first onto her pillow. Bucky decided that the least he could do was take her heels off and pull her hair out from the tight bun she had it in. Toni mumbled her thanks as he took her heels off and pulled the pins out. He stared at her for a second, finally noticing how peaceful Toni looked when she wasn’t yelling at soldiers or concentrating on reading. The light of the arc reactor shined slightly through her outfit but Bucky didn’t mind. “I can feel you staring Barnes. It’s rude to stare.” Bucky chuckled, rubbing circles on her lower back making Toni shiver slightly. 

“Goodnight Toni.” 

“Goodnight James.” She didn’t normally call Bucky by his first name but it seemed that Bucky didn’t mind.

____________

It was now September, two months later, after Steve got the serum. Toni hadn’t heard from Steve in a while and watched as her men turned into real soldiers, Bucky being the best that she taught. He was a great sniper, whether Toni did train him or not, either way she always knew Bucky was a good sniper. He was always able to put a gun together and take it apart in less than three minutes, making him stand out more than the other soldiers. Toni also noticed none of the men outside of training had tried to flirt with her or make dirty jokes. Something she could possibly thank Bucky for later. At the moment, Toni was reading over some of the blueprints for HYDRA one last time when Peggy walked into her tent. 

“Toni, Colonel Phillips and I have agreed it’s time for you to do your assigned mission. Howard has agreed to fly you over to Austria and there you will find a weapons facility.” Toni nodded, her heartbeat becoming faster as Peggy talked her through what her mission was. 

“Here’s a radio for when you need backup, press this button and we’ll try to send troops to find you and help you.” Toni nodded again, becoming more anxious by the second. 

“You leave in two hours, and Toni?” 

“Yes, Agent Carter?” Peggy looked at her, giving her a small smile.

“Good luck soldier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed that moment that Bucky and Toni had. Also, I decided not to include the scene where Steve is in boot camp.


	4. A Mission for Hydra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni goes on a mission, not having any expectations for what could happen. Also Toni sleeps a lot cuz it's fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Updated chapter February 2021*

Toni walked away after Peggy wished her good luck, trying to prepare for what was to come. _I should probably say my goodbye now, god knows what will happen_. Toni looked around the tents, trying not to peek in too much to find Bucky. 

“Rumour has it a certain agent is lookin’ for me.” Toni turned around, facing Bucky a little too closely. She blushed while trying to distance herself. “Well, I wanted to say goodbye for now or for a while. I dunno, I’m not very good at saying goodbye.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at her while opening his arms for her. 

“Well doll, I’ll see ya around, where ya goin’ anyways?” 

“Mission classified, Buckaroo.” She booped his nose playfully before giving him one firm hug, _as friends_. But that hug felt like forever, like hours on end. She wondered if he felt the same way, she tried to close the thought out immediately. 

“Well good luck dollface, don’t come back too banged up.” Bucky smiled at her and walked away towards his friends, Toni slowly trudging back to her tent. She gathered her things or what she would need which didn’t include much. The outfit she wore consisted of a bodysuit (which she designed herself), and some leg holsters and knee high wedge boots. She put her guns on their holsters, ammo in their rightful places, and a gun on her back. If she left now, Toni could get to the Alps before dawn. She checked the time already, it was ten right now and it was dark out. All the soldiers were doing something in each other’s tents right now so she could leave without anyone noticing. 

The arc reactor was glowing underneath the outfit but luckily it was only a faint glow. Toni walked towards the car that was waiting for her and hopped in, surprised by who the driver is. “Howard? Why are you driving me?” 

“To be honest, I don’t really know, Peggy said I should drive you though even though I’m flying ya there too.” Toni nodded as they drove off, slowly watching the scenery change during the drive. Watching it slowly started to make Toni fall asleep slowly. 

____________

Toni awoke to Howard nudging her to tell her they were near the airbase where his plane was. She nodded and stretched, making sure she had everything. Howard and Toni both walked to the plane, aboard it was Peggy herself, smiling at them. 

“Thought I wouldn’t be seeing you before this mission, Your Majesty.” Peggy rolled her eyes at the nickname making Toni laugh even more. “I wasn’t planning this but Howard did not give you the radio, the bastard was too distracted getting drunk earlier.”

“Uh, _the_ bastard is right here! I was gonna give it to her before she was dropped.”

“Well you have terrible timing Stark.” Toni said, laughing at the two. She understood now a little more why Peggy and Howard were always close. She also remembered when her mother was slightly envious of how well they worked together. 

“Yes, well anyway, here is your radio, press that button and tell us where you are. We’ll send back up or give you a ride. Depending on one of the two.” Toni nodded, putting the radio in her pocket, she doubted she’d have enough time to ask for backup but it all depended on what happened. The plane took off, and started the journey to where a HYDRA base was reported to be. 

There was a comfortable silence over the trio while they started to fly towards their destination, Toni knew they were there when HYDRA started firing their weapons. “Toni! Take the parachute, you're in for a rough landing!” Peggy threw the parachute at Toni, only for her to shake her head as the plane rattled. “I’m good, I don’t need a parachute, trust me.” 

“Are you mad?!” Peggy shouted over the rattling, looking at Toni like she was crazy. “Maybe a little, trust me on this!” She slid the door to the airplane open, looking back at Howard and Peggy. 

“Try to be safe! Call us if you need help!” Howard yelled over the noise, Toni nodding before Peggy gave her a hug. “God bless your soul, my darling! Come back to us.” She squeezed Toni tightly before Toni did a backflip off the airplane. Once the plane was out of sight, Toni immediately tapped the arc reactor, the nanobots covering her in an instant. “God, I’ve missed this, Fri, you there?” 

“Yes, Miss. Stark, I am here. It appears that the HYDRA base has stopped firing, considering Mr. Stark and Miss. Carter made a distraction.” Toni laughed before she landed safely on the ground, the suit pulling back into the arc reactor. It was cold and also smelled of smoke in the air. Toni started running towards a cave, hearing the noise of boots. She took out one of the guns she had, pointing it in the direction of the noise. It stopped suddenly before disappearing from sight. _Thank god, I didn’t use a parachute_. “Friday, any heat signatures?” 

“It appears the area is now safe to move, Miss. I would suggest waiting for approximately fifteen minutes before moving again.” Toni sighed, this was gonna be a long mission, if anything she hoped to not be captured.

____________

It was now two weeks, the beginning of October, Toni was slowly edging closer to the HYDRA base, she managed to get her hands on a HYDRA soldier outfit and disguise herself as a guard. She watched with horror, as the Red Skull and Dr. Zola was able to direct the power into a weapon. After that, the scientists were trained to use the power of the tesseract to use for their weapons. Toni never took the uniform off, afraid of what they would think if she was a woman. She was also able to hide the arc reactor under all the layers of the uniform along with a handgun if she needed to use it. Toni hadn’t updated anyone on her position and prayed that the 107th weren’t captured yet. She knew that was a lot to ask for but Toni could pray if she wanted to. 

It was all going so well, her disguise, the weapons, everything. But she should’ve seen it coming when two guards grabbed her, pulling away all the layers of the guard uniform. She struggled against their grip, the heat starting to surface in her veins, Extremis started to show. “Leg sie auf den Untersuchungstisch!” The guards handcuffed her to the table. Pulling straps over her chest and waist. “Warten Sie auf Dr. Zola.” The guards moved away from Toni, going back to their posts. Toni lay still as she heard a door open and saw Dr. Arnim Zola himself. 

“Was haben wir hier?” The doctor gestured towards Toni, looking towards the man who found her. “Sie ist keine von uns und ihre Haut wurde verbrannt.” All Toni could understand was her skin had burned and something about not being one of them. _Well, excuse me for not being a man_. “What is uh, your name?” Zola looked at Toni, the man was short and looked rather nervous. 

“My name is Carbonell.” She refused to tell Zola her first name, but stopped herself from saying agent. Zola pointed towards the arc reactor, “what is that in your chest?” He moved to touch it but she pulled against the restraints of the straps to move as far away from him as possible. “Don’t touch me.” Toni looked at him darkly as Zola retracted his hand, moving his hands as a gesture he wouldn’t hurt her. “I mean no harm Miss, but what is that thing in your chest.”

“It keeps me alive..,” Toni looked up at the ceiling refusing to look at Zola in the eyes. He whispered something to the guard, and before Toni could do anything, the guard punched her. It was hard enough that her nose started bleeding but not enough force to break it. “How does it keep you alive?” 

“If you think that I will tell you anything, you are wrong.” That was the moment Johann Schmidt came in, looking at what the guards had told him about. “Ah, what do we have here, Arnim?”

“She was a guard, the guards said she started to burn when they dragged her here.” Schmidt looked at her, “I’ve heard about you from my spies. You work with the SSR, correct? I have also heard that you have something in your chest. Zola?” 

“She has not cooperated so far. What should we do?” Schmidt looked at Toni, looking at the arc reactor and trying to touch it. She moved as much as she could from his hands, in which the guard punched her again. She spit blood from her mouth, giving Red Skull a cold smile, “this isn’t my first time being tortured. You can do this all you want, I won’t tell you anything!” She spit blood into his face, making Schmidt wipe away the blood. “I like this one, Zola. Perhaps she will be a good experiment for you as a break from weapon making.” 

Zola smiled nervously before Schmidt left him. Zola looked back at her, eyes pleading, “I do not wish to hurt you, if you cooperate, we won’t have to do this.” 

“You can’t make me talk!” She immediately regretted those words, in the amount of five minutes, Toni’s head was shoved into a bucket of water, the guards held her there for a while. The water started to fill her lungs up, the burn of Extremis followed, Toni could hear the slight hiss of the guards holding her down. They pulled her out of the water again, doing it over and over again, making her head dizzy and confused. 

____________

Since that moment of torture, Zola had all his attention on her, taking samples of her blood, skin, everything about her. Schmidt would ask the guards to kick her, break any bones, cut her. Do anything just to watch her heal back up from Extremis. Zola’s goal was to still complete HYDRA’s version of the superserum but wanted to test it on her. No matter how much Toni protested, Zola started planning the procedure to test the new serum on her.

When Zola first touched the arc reactor, that set Toni off, she ended up throwing him across the room. From there on, no one touched the arc reactor including Zola, he did manage to finally get an answer out of her for why she had it. But it was in a moment of when she was confused on where she was. Right now, Toni was laying on the cold concrete floor, she was wearing black cargo pants and a black t-shirt. She had no socks on and her hands were handcuffed. All of her gear was locked away, considering they didn’t think much of the glasses or earpiece. Toni was surprised that HYDRA was dumb enough not to investigate it but in these times, they were just glasses. She tried sitting up, but it was no use, especially with the handcuff. Toni knew she could just move her hand to the arc reactor, tap it, and she’d be gone. But the energy she had wasn’t enough to even make it through the factory. The procedure for the new serum was today, in a few hours she would have the super soldier serum that made Steve and Bucky what they were now. 

Toni was going in and out of consciousness, hearing doors open outside of her cell and closing repeatedly. They had put her in a room where there were mirrors and a bed. Toni had lost track of what day it was days ago, she started to forget even the time of day. Because Toni was drifting in and out of consciousness, she had illusions or dreams that felt too real. She wondered if this was how Bucky felt before Steve rescued them. Sometimes she would see Steve, just sitting there and looking at her. Or Bucky with his Winter Soldier gear and black mask, looking at her and speaking russian. Sometimes she understood, other times all she could register was _kitten, look at me._

Toni felt arms pull her up, hearing german being tossed around as they put her in a wheelchair, putting a mask on that would zap her if she touched it, handcuffing her to the wheelchair as they walked her to the OR. Toni thrashed and screamed as they put her on the examining table, strapping her down and removing the mask. Schmidt and Zola entered the room, there were doctors bustling around as they cleaned the area where Toni would be injected. The room smelled of chemicals, alcohol swabs and chatter. “What is about to happen to you will be a gift, a miracle for HYDRA.” Schmidt murmured into her ear, making her shudder and restrain against the straps.

She continued to scream even as Zola started to inject her with the serum, the needle piercing her skin and injecting it. When it happened, Toni’s skin started to heat up because of Extremis, the virus was fighting the new serum, making the straps melt away from Toni. Guards pushed her onto the ground, pulling handcuffs on her again and shutting her up with the mask tightly to her face. She screamed over and over again until well, someone injected something to make her sleep. 

The next time Toni woke up, she was strapped to the examining table again, she was wearing the same outfit she was before but they were washed now. Toni groaned, her head was pounding and she couldn’t remember what happened. She tried moving around on the table, feeling nauseous at the thought of what HYDRA had done to her. Toni was trying to stay awake, but the feeling of sleep and drugs pumping through her system made her dizzy.

“I am going to die here, the least I could do is wish a certain god was here.” Toni mumbled to herself, watching the room spin over and over again. Toni didn’t even realize that there were explosions happening nearby, footsteps moving around. A door opened, making Toni stop mumbling and stay still. “Toni?” She looked at the person, trying to figure them out. “W-who are you.” Her words were slurred but at least she managed to make a sentence. “It’s Steve, remember?”

“Oh, Spangles? What are you doing here?” 

“I’m rescuing you.” Steve cut the straps, pulling Toni upright. “Alright, can you move?” 

“Room, spinning, dizzy.” Steve scooped her up, holding her bridal style, “Peggy told me that I might see you here. She said that you hadn’t reported in over a few weeks. I got your stuff.” Toni mumbled her thanks, trying to stay awake. 

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve looked at her, surprised. “I was kinda hoping you would know.”

“Well, they only recently got a hold of me. Wait but why are you here?” 

“The Colonel told me the 107th was missing, Bucky’s unit got captured by HYDRA. No one mentioned you until Peggy did on the airplane.” 

“Probably told you to wear a parachute unlike me.” Steve laughed as he walked quickly through the hallway. Toni was drifting in and out again, hearing Steve say something about staying awake. There was a pattern of doors opening, fists flying, and soldiers falling as Steve continued to make a path until he saw a room. She heard conversation and the cutting of straps probably, but her brain was slowing down again. 

“I thought you were smaller.” Steve laughed before he was looking somewhere, a map. He tried remembering those locations for later. Toni, well she was trying to stand, forcing Steve to let her stand. “Jesus H. Christ, what happened to you?” Toni wanted to snap back at him but the room started to spin again, “room, spinning, ack!” Bucky pulled her onto his back and together, the trio ran out of the room. It was going perfectly fine until they were stopped by Schmidt himself. 

“Ah Captain America, I am a fan of your many films.” Toni could hear the conversation, trying to keep a protest from escaping her mouth. Although, Toni did forget the mask was still on, zapping her whenever it was touched. “Hey doll, can you stand?” Bucky whispered to her, slowly helping her stand. She nodded before she fell hard, to her knees. “It is most unfortunate that we will not be having Agent Carbonell with us. She was a good experiment.” 

Toni stood up at those words, glaring coldy at the man, whose skin was now gone, showing his true face. Toni held onto the railing as she walked forward towards Schmidt. Steve tried stopping her but she looked the man dead in the eye. “This isn’t the first time someone has tried to break me. It isn’t the first time I was tortured. Du bist der Dummkopf, Red Skull.” Schmidt laughed cruelly before stabbing her, making Toni gasp. Zola pulled a lever, pulling the balcony apart. Toni slipped as the balcony fell away from her, making her grab onto what railing she could. She could hear shouts and saw the Red Skull and Zola leave. “Toni! Hold on!” Steve and Bucky scrambled to try and pull her up but it was no use, not with the knife in her side. “Boys, as much as I love you trying, you have to trust me. Go! Go on without me!” 

“No! I’m not leaving you!” Toni’ watched as lines of weapons exploded, surrounding the ground in flames. She pulled the knife from her side, watching as blood was coming fast. With Steve’s help, he pulled her up all the way and helped her stand. She groaned as Steve guided them up more stairs to a metal beam. It was risky, but hey, yolo, remember? Toni watched as Steve helped Bucky to get on the beam, watching as he walked slowly and carefully. She watched as the beam became more unstable, ready to fall away at any moment. “Your next, come on Toni.” Steve helped her get up on the beam, making Toni more dizzy by the second. She wobbled as the beam moved underneath, Bucky held out his hand towards her as she continued to walk, coaxing her to move more and more. “Come on sugar, you're almost there.” As he said those words, the beam gave away just as Toni managed to catch onto his hand. She screamed, holding onto Bucky’s hand tightly, “you drop me, I’ll come back just to kill you.” Bucky rolled his eyes as he managed to pull her up over the railing.

“Steve, come on! You can jump, Spangles.” Steve looked uncertain at the way she said it but moved back in order to jump. Toni held her breath, not noticing her hand tighten on Bucky’s, _please, please, jump you bastard_. Steve jumped, any normal man would’ve had a small chance of making it, but Steve, he was a supersoldier. He could do it. He landed and Toni exhaled, letting go of Bucky’s hand immediately. They continued to run, run down stairs, hallways until they made it to the fresh air. Toni breathed in as much as air as she could, blinking away the tears, and moving step by step. It felt like she was in the desert again, slowly moving, slowly burning in the hot sun. She felt sluggish and slow at the same time, like her body wasn't listening to her at all mentally.

She could see some of the men in tanks stolen from HYDRA, blasting away what was left of the HYDRA soldiers. It was great, like really great up until Toni touched the goddamn mask. It zapped her immediately, making her scream loudly. Bucky looked in her direction, concern written all over his face. Toni clawed at the mask, yelping when it zapped her over and over again as she tried to find where it was tied. Toni wanted it off, wanted to rip it off, get rid of the pain and hideaway from everything right now. “Hold on doll.” She turned as Bucky pulled a pocketknife out, cutting the mask away, allowing Toni to take gulps of air freely. Toni groaned again, feeling hands putting pressure on her wound, feeling warmth spread through her. “Thanks.” She gasped as someone pulled her shirt, trying to stitch her up. The pain and the smell of rotting flesh and blood made her sick. It made her pass out finally from exhaustion. 

____________

This time, when Toni woke up, she wasn’t on the examining table again, she was in someone’s arms. Toni could hear footsteps moving at an equal pace. Toni looked up towards the sky, seeing as the sky was now blue again, there were puffy clouds and a sun shining down on her. Groaning at the sight of the sun, she heard chuckles passing around. “Well, look who’s finally awake.” 

“Welcome to the Land of the Living.”

“Bonjour cher!” Everything was loud, it reminded Toni of when Thor was always loud in the morning when Toni was getting coffee. “Shut up kids, mama needs her sleep.” She felt the rumbles of a laugh as they continued walking. She could hear Steve's voice from a distance, yelling to tell the group that they were coming back to the camp. Toni could vaguely hear voices when she closed her eyes again, remembering the last twenty-four hours over again. _Straps, electricity, examining tables, screaming. Guards running after her, pulling her into a room. Laying on concrete. Water, filling her lungs, everything drifting away. Hands grabbing her, pulling her towards them. She could feel tentacles grabbing, blood smeared across her face. The tentacles’ suctions pull at her arc reactor. She could feel herself falling, falling from a portal, explosions nearby, she was laying there again. Blood dripping down over her body, tentacles lifting her again._

Toni woke up again, shaky and sweaty, breathing in hard. She looked around, noticing the room was a hospital room. She was wearing a hospital gown, an IV hooked up to her, there was a hospital bracelet with her dog tag numbers and her name. The room was empty, making Toni panic more, there were thoughts running through her at the moment. _Please, tell me I’m not back in Hydra_. Her gear was there, earpiece and glasses along with it. Toni sighed, relief rushing through her as she continued to check the room, instinctively, her fingers thrummed against the arc reactor. Toni pressed her feet against the cold ground, slowly starting to stand up. Walking hurt, the pain cramping her muscles in her legs, her hips hurting from movement. 

Slowly, Toni made it through the doorway, ignoring the nauseous feeling and the room slowly spinning. She realized now she was in the infirmary, yet she had her own little room. Her body wanted to protest, to go back to bed and rest, to sleep. Toni wondered why Extremis hadn’t kicked in yet to stop the pain, but understood that the serum Zola injected might be interfering. There were voices being heard but she didn’t recognize any of them. It was raining outside as Toni finally opened the doors to the infirmary exit. There were tents set up, most of the men staying inside, chatting quietly or writing a letter. Toni could hear everything, every whisper, every scribble on paper, everything. It was the most annoying thing Toni had ever experienced, damn you, superserum. Extremis wasn’t able to do this, only heal her faster, make her turn into a fireplace when needed. _How the fuck does Steve and Bucky deal with this_. 

The next thing that went wrong was when Toni suddenly slipped in the mud, groaning as she fell, falling hard on the ground. There were stars dancing in her vision, along with a few gasps of pain searing through her. 

“Toni?” It was a voice, someone she recognized, hopefully, coming closer and closer to her. She felt hands pulling her into a sitting position, trying to look her in the eye. “Sugar, what happened? I leave for five minutes and ya fall ‘ready.” Confusion made Toni frown, trying to blink away the rain from her eyelashes, “Bucky?”

“If ya already forgot my name, that fall must a’ been a hard one.” Bucky carefully helped her stand up, brushing away as much mud as he could. “What happened?” Bucky looked at her, surprised she didn’t remember. “Well, somehow you got kidnapped by HYDRA, and guess they did a number on you. We were able to walk back to camp, you woke up but briefly. Came to tell you, we’re leaving for London, Agent Carter wanted me to come pick you up.” Toni nodded, forgetting how to form sentences. With Bucky’s help, Toni was able to walk back to her room, get changed into fresh clothes, grab anything she needed and they left. 

____________

Toni must’ve fallen asleep again because she woke up again, to hearing horns being honked, cars screeching, and people shouting. She groaned, trying to figure out where she was, once again. Apparently, Toni was put in a car and now here she was, in London. The door was opened and she was escorted into a hotel, expensive, but not too expensive. The hotel manager smiled at her and gave her a key, the next thing she knew, she was in a room. A rather nice room with a nice king sized bed, decorative pillows, and even chocolates. 

She flopped onto the bed, sighing happily, the drugs were finally wearing off, and the headache was starting to subside. Toni finally felt at peace, that was until a knock on the door interrupted the peace. 

“God, I can’t even get five minutes of peace!” She yanked the door open, surprised to see Steve, Bucky, and Peggy? Toni took one look at them and flopped back onto the bed, pulling a pillow close to her head. “What do you want.” She could feel herself being pulled from the top of the bed to the middle. 

“Come on darling, we’re going to the bar.”

“Fuck off.” 

“Oh my, didn’t anyone ever teach you manners?”

“Language!” 

“Doll, don’t curse.” Toni groaned, rolling over to face the three of them, Peggy was holding a few dresses and had a small bag of something. “Darling, you look terrible.” 

“Didn’t need to hear that, Your Majesty.” Toni laid like a starfish while Peggy set up in the bathroom everything she brought along. “She’s not gonna leave me alone anytime, is she?” 

“I wouldn’t count on it.” 

“Nope.” The bed creaked as Steve and Bucky both laid down facing Toni. Toni huffed, slowly moving, hearing bones crack and eyes on her. “Do I not have a choice on whether I want to get drunk or not?”

“Nobody said you had to get drunk.”

“But doll, it would be fun!”

“Toni, you need to get out and have some fun at least. But I would recommend not listening to Sergeant Barnes’ comment.” Toni groaned, running her hand through her hair, pulling at the knots in her hair. “If I’m going to a bar, I expect a scotch to be waiting for me.” 

“You drink scotch?”

“Course’ I do, Spangles. What do you take me for?” 

“Definitely not a scotch kinda gal.” Toni rolled her eyes at the two of them, watching the sight before her. Bucky was laying by her hip, rubbing circles into the bone standing out while Steve just fiddled with his uniform tie. “Alright, gentleman, it’s time for Toni to freshen up.”

“Means get lost, soldiers.” The two soldiers grumbled as they got up, shoving each other playfully as they left. Toni rolled her eyes at the sight, even after seventy years of being an asset for Hydra and being asleep, it sure didn’t change anything between the two. “Ok, first thing is, you my dear, need a haircut. Godforbid, I have to look at the monstrosity a few moments longer.”

“Hey, I was kidnapped, I didn’t exactly have time to cut my hair.” Peggy rolled her eyes at the comment, pulling Toni to the bathroom and standing as Peggy cut her hair. Toni never realized how long her hair really was until Peggy started cutting at the ends, which landed at her waist. It brought back memories of when her mother, when she wasn’t participating in galas and fundraisers, would sit down or stand and cut Toni’s hair. It was one of the very few memories Toni had that she actually liked with her mother. Maria was never around, Howard would always be in his lab, doing something, ignoring Toni’s existence because she wasn’t a boy. 

“So, I cut your hair to your shoulder blades, is that alright or too long?” Peggy brushed away the hairs as Toni met her eyes. “I-it’s good, thanks for that.” Peggy smiled as she made Toni take a shower finally, and put her hair up in curlers. Peggy started on the makeup, doing a cat eye with some eyeliner smudged on the bottom lashes. She lightly put blush on Toni’s cheeks, making them brighter, and put red lipstick on. Toni looked at herself in the mirror as Peggy took down the curlers, making Toni’s hair curly and wavy. She ended up pinning some parts with bobby pins but mostly kept it down. 

“I brought you a few different dresses, considering you are a bold person, I thought you might like either one of these. They’re new.” Toni looked it over, it was an off the shoulder dress, with a sweetheart plunge, and it was navy blue. The sleeves were hand knit with lace matching the dress. The other one Peggy showed her was the same color, a sweetheart neckline, it hugged her body perfectly. Toni ended up choosing that one, feeling a little more modern that way. The dress showed the arc reactor a little, but a little wouldn’t hurt anyone. The heels Toni chose surprised Peggy, the height was taller than normal, but then again, Toni was bold. They were pointed and tall, almost making Toni doubt wearing them. It did make her taller than Peggy slightly, but eh, Peggy can live with it. 

On top of all of that, Toni wore a black double breasted trench coat, sighing at how warm it made her feel, considering the temperatures in London at night would be cooler. Once Peggy got ready, wearing a red dress that showed off all her curves and a red belt, they left the hotel. Toni wouldn’t admit it, but she was glad Peggy made her shower. She wouldn’t admit it out loud of course, but it was nice. Luckily the bar was only across the street, Peggy moving her along like Toni would run away at any point. They entered, hearing the men chanting along, chugging beer after beer, arguing over anything. Toni watched as Peggy took her coat off, handing it towards a man who put it away in the coat closet. She could hear the whole bar become silent as Peggy walked in. 

Toni already knew though, knew that Peggy’s eyes were only on Steve’s. She didn’t need to read minds or see it herself to know that the woman was enchanted with Steve Rogers. The noises continued on after that, while Peggy laughed at something Steve said. Toni smiled, handing the man her coat, rolling her shoulders over. She felt like she was going to a gala again, but it was without Rhodey telling her to not get drunk or Pepper reminding her of all the people she needed to talk to. She breathed in, trying to calm down, before she walked in. There were men that stepped aside as she walked in, checking her out, even calling her out. But Toni didn’t hear any of it, because her heartbeat was beating faster and her breathing was becoming faster. She felt eyes on her, many eyes, but one pair stood out. 

Toni didn’t realize that when she walked in, Bucky physically choked on the drink he was having, Steve patting him on the back to get him to breathe. Peggy was smirking the entire time, happy with the work she put in on Toni. 

Toni couldn’t stand still, she felt the entire room on her, she fidgeted, tapping away at the arc reactor gently. 

“Well, what’s a pretty dame like you doin’ jus’ standin’ there?” She looked up, finally relaxing when those blue grey eyes met hers. Bucky held out his hand to her, which Toni gladly took as she sat down. “As you asked, a scotch for you, dear.” Steve handed her a glass, Toni gladly taking it and drinking it in one gulp. “Finally came to your senses, soldier boy?” Steve laughed, lightly poking her at the remark. It was nice, hearing old music being played, she could understand why Steve still misses the 40s now. Toni watched as Steve and Peggy danced, smiling at eachother softly. They looked like two star-crossed lovers, the romance made Toni gag. 

Romance was great but like, what about adventure, danger, stuff like that. In all of her relationships, Toni always liked a little bit of romance but not too much. The sad thing is though, none of her partners could keep up with her or her schedule. There were the meetings, the travel, the press, and of course, inventing. Toni would never say it out loud, but if it came down to her inventions, project, whatever it was, and a person she loved, that person definitely would have some competition. 

“Doll, you look so sad right now, would you dance with me?” Bucky held his hand out to her, making Toni blush at the words. Another curious thing about Bucky, he was always able to tell when she was sad, when she didn’t have enough sleep, and it always made her blush. The future Bucky didn’t really pay attention but when he did, he would do the same things. _Why didn’t I ever notice this before?_

“So, how ya been feeling. Those german nazis did a number on ya.” Another thing, he always asked her how she was feeling. _Why?_ “I’m good, it’s not the first time I’ve dealt with people like them.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at her, curiosity lighting up in his eyes. “If you ask, I might answer for once.” Bucky laughed as his hand tightened on her waist, causing butterflies to start. “Mmm, but darlin’ would ya really tell me?” Toni laughed, knowing it was partly true, but something in her wanted to tell Bucky everything. 

“Alright fine, how about this, what’d ya think of me when I first met you?”

“That you were a crazy dame for falling from god knows where. But--I’m glad we met.” Bucky smiled at her, making her smile back too. “Remember, I’m not just any dame, but I’m just a girl who loves danger too much.” 

“Yeah, considering you got kidnapped.”

“Hey! We were having a moment, you just ruined it!” 

“Oh pardon me, sugar, but I didn’t know we were havin’ a moment.” Toni chuckled, feeling warmth and happiness, feeling everything. 

She traced her finger over Bucky’s cheekbone, tracing it down to the corner of his lips. Suddenly, all the noise in the room was quiet, it was like no one was there, just her and him, Toni and Bucky, dancing. She didn’t want to fight yet, but if he was with her until his death, then it’d be ok. “Kiss me.” Bucky blushed, causing Toni to smile as he pulled her tightly to his chest, capturing her lips finally. The kiss held passion, love, happiness, and it was gentle. A part of Toni wanted to run, shove all those feelings deep inside but she accepted it. Even though she knew what would happen to Bucky, it was still worth the kiss they shared. 

Toni made a new promise to herself, planning on telling Friday later, present or future, there was no time to die now when she had him. She would protect him, no matter what happened to her in the end or what his fate would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> German Translations:  
> Leg sie auf den Untersuchungstisch! - Put her on the exam table!
> 
> Warten Sie auf Dr. Zola. - Wait for Dr. Zola.
> 
> Was haben wir hier? - What do we have here?
> 
> Du bist der Dummkopf, Red Skull. - You are the fool, Red Skull.
> 
> French Translation:
> 
> Bonjour Cher! - Hello Dear!


	5. Not a moment to lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is attacked, and given a new mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go off the original timeline for a bit. Sorry it took so long...
> 
> *Updated chapter February 2021*

Toni was walking back to her hotel room, smiling and laughing as Bucky walked her back. It was really because he was afraid of something happening to her. Considering everything that happened so far, Toni couldn’t blame him. Bucky kissed her on the cheek before walking away, making Toni want to pull him in, never let go. But she knew it wasn't the right time to do _any_ of that yet, they just shared their first kiss. As much as Toni would love to have Bucky stay the night, she didn’t really want to rush into anything, but also didn’t want to get her hopes up. 

The room was silent when she got in, but there was a lamp turned on, Toni narrowed her eyes at the lamp. _Unless Peggy forgot to turn this off, I don’t remember leaving this on_. “Friday, are there any heat signatures here?” 

“I detect one Miss.” Her breathing quickened as the light suddenly turned off, leaving her completely in the dark. The only light was the moon reflecting onto the floor. Toni pulled a gun from her holster on her thigh, making sure it was loaded. She aimed it at the shadows, hating the fact that she was in the dark again. 

“Der rote Schädel sagt Hallo.” Toni turned in time to see a female, she had blonde hair, one side was shaved off. She was wearing black combat gear and a black bodysuit. It was alarmingly similar to Toni’s outfit. “Was willst du?” The blonde smirked, the symbol of HYDRA was clear, an angry red on the blonde’s chest.

“Ah, so you speak our native language. The Red Skull was right to send another woman. No man would’ve taken you down so easily.”

“Yeah, well actually no one is ever able to catch me.” The blonde smirked at Toni, making her internally shiver at the way the woman was looking at her. She looked like a predator stalking her prey, ready to attack at any moment. “If you come with me, there will be no harm done.” The woman held her hand out to Toni, making Toni want to gag at it. 

“Do I have a choice?” Toni raised the gun, aiming for the woman’s heart, the woman laughed, shaking her head. “You silly girl, you have no idea what you are dealing with. You may have the serum now but you are not safe.” 

“I have an idea of what’s happening, my answer is no.” 

“Then I guess I will have to kill you. A shame really.” Toni laughed at that, holding the gun at the woman, “guess that means I have to kill you first.” Toni shot first, missing the women as she moved faster than Toni expected. The bullet hit the woman’s arm as she charged towards Toni. Toni moved back but not enough to have the female agent kick her so hard that the door came off its hinges. There were people screaming as the agent punched Toni before she pulled the agent back into the room. “You just ruined my vacation, you bitch.” Toni kicked her, getting a good aim at the heart until the woman kicked it away. 

While all of this was happening, Steve and Bucky were walking back to their room the floor below Toni’s. “So, you and Toni, huh?” Bucky rolled his eyes, ignoring Steve’s smirk as Bucky blushed. “Hey, you don’t hear me teasin’ ya about you and Peggy, now do ya?” The conversation was stopped short as they heard shouting and thumpings coming from upstairs. 

“Shit! Toni’s up there!” Bucky grabbed his gun, Steve following with him, at the ready. They took the stairs, running as fast as they could. “Who do you think is up there?!” Steve shouted as they rounded the corner of the next floor, “honestly, I dunno, but I’m hoping it’s not those HYDRA people again.” 

Bucky’s heart beat faster as they came just in time to see two women fighting, one was Toni, the other one was some blonde, Steve could clearly see the HYDRA symbol on her chest. “It’s HYDRA.” Just as he said that, the woman flung Toni out the window, Toni bringing her down with her. 

“TONI!!” 

The wind was knocked out of Toni as the agent threw her out the window, but Toni, being a genius, grabbed her by the neck. “If I die, you're coming with me.” The agent screamed as Toni grabbed onto her neck. Though the building wasn’t high, any normal person wouldn’t have survived the fall unlike Toni and the HYDRA agent. Sadly, Toni was still in her dress while the HYDRA agent was in full body gear, slightly protecting her more. The other woman landed on the ground, and Toni landed on a car, crushing it. Toni groaned as there were definitely broken bones but what was worse was the painful noise of them cracking back into position. The woman grabbed her by the neck, dragging her from the hood of the car. 

“Sie wissen nicht, wann Sie aufgeben sollen, oder?" Toni spit blood out to the woman, “I may not know when, but I know when it’s someone from HYDRA.” Toni swiveled, flipping the woman onto her back, “fahr zur Hölle,” Toni snapped her neck just as the woman would have responded. She heard footsteps as Toni stood up, looking at the dead body before her. “Toni?! Are you ok? You fell pretty hard from that window.” 

“Yeah I’m fine, Spangles, but--” just as Toni said that, the woman came back to life, pulling Toni into the darkness. She punched her, making Toni black out. Moments later, Toni was on the roof of a building, as the woman was talking to a radio of somesort. She was still here in London, luckily, _it must've been two minutes_. Toni ran in the opposite direction, running over roof after roof, gasping as the distance was becoming long and longer. 

Bucky looked everywhere, panicking for the last five minutes over what just happened. Somehow, the HYDRA lady came back to life, grabbing Toni and pulling her away before Steve or Bucky could do anything. Steve said he would check the roofs, saying he wouldn’t be surprised if the agent took Toni up there. It’s either the HYDRA agent thought they wouldn’t look up there or she just thought Steve and Bucky were dumb because this wasn’t the first time. Bucky swore on his life that Toni must have a thing for being on top of a building because this was the second time she was up there. 

Not even five seconds later, Bucky heard shouting and screams which only made him more wary as he continued to climb up an abandoned latter. In the distance, he could see Toni as she ran over every building as the other agent followed. She was shooting or at least trying to hit Toni but Toni was too fast. Steve helped him up as Steve swiveled the makeshift shield he used from the USO tour to knock the woman down, watching in astonishment as Toni was able to catch. “How is she-? She shouldn’t be able to catch my shield at this speed.” Bucky knew what he meant, for the last few days, Toni would drift in and out of consciousness, Peggy decided that no one should tell Toni. She was worried it would frighten Toni or something. Howard had said that whatever Zola had given Toni was fighting something in her system. Apparently Toni had some sort of virus inside her fighting the serum off. It also didn’t help that the sedatives were still in her system when they arrived back to camp. 

But since then, Toni looked pretty good for being kidnapped and experimented on, she cleaned up nicely too. There were still a few missing pieces about her that no one knew, like the thing in her chest, or why there was a virus inside her. Peggy had said that when they arrived near the HYDRA base, Toni didn’t even bother to put a parachute on and yet here she was, alive to tell the tale. There were many questions that everyone had but didn’t ask, because well, people were actually scared of Toni. Not just for her training at boot camp but also because she was able to survive being experimented on, get kidnapped, get stabbed by the Red Skull, and live to tell it. Toni, of course, wasn’t even acknowledging any of what happened, pretending that she was completely fine. 

All of this was going through Bucky’s mind right now as he saw the girl, the girl he was starting to fall in love with, play with death over and over again. Dodging every bullet, hitting the agent just at the right moment each time. She was using the weak shield to protect herself, hitting the agent so hard that there were bruises starting to form on her body. Not that Toni didn’t have bruises either, there were bruises on her cheek along with cuts. The shield from the USO tour wasn’t broken yet, but it wasn’t strong enough to handle the way Toni was using it. 

_Holy shit, I caught the shield!_ Call Toni crazy for thinking that as she was fighting the other woman, finally understanding why Steve never brought any guns or weapons to battle. She threw the bent shield back at Steve as she grabbed the knife the woman had, slicing her abdomen and then her neck. It was deep and bloody, splattering blood everywhere, _god I feel like Carrie right now_. Just to be sure, she sliced the whole head off, _don’t need anymore people coming back to life_. “This dress is ruined, Peggy is gonna kill me.” Steve and Bucky ran towards her, and checked the body. “Are you ok?” 

“Ah, ah, ah, don’t jinx it Cap, I really don’t want her to come back after you say that.” Steve shook his head, a small smile forming as Bucky looked over the body. “She’s HYDRA that’s for sure. How’d she find ya, Tones?”

“Honestly, there must be some sort of tracker, I mean look at this device. I need to find where the tracker is.”  
The men both nodded as Toni inspected the device, it showed a green radar with a red dot, simple, yes, but how did the woman find Toni? Toni didn’t think they had enough time to put a tracker on her before Steve arrived. They climbed down the fire escape as Peggy walked towards them, “Toni, you have a pretty good idea of getting attention easily.” Toni laughed even though she knew Peggy meant to sound mad. “Well Queenie, it’s not my fault that those HYDRA people love me.” Peggy sighed, shaking her head, “I hope you burn that dress now, it has no purpose now.” Toni nodded as they walked back to the hotel, Peggy covering her with her trench coat. 

They reached Peggy’s room, closing the door as Toni sat down in an armchair, exhausted from everything that just happened. She was so relaxed until HYDRA showed up again, clearly not wanting to give her a break. But then again, HYDRA was always able to come back, they were a nasty parasite that kept showing up. The amount of times the Avengers had destroyed base after base was large but it only slowed down the organization. If they were like this in the future, then this was probably worse considering they sent an agent after her. A female agent, which was a surprise. _They must be considering more females now after what happened to me_. “Toni?”

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“Is there a reason why HYDRA has suddenly taken an interest in you?” Peggy raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for a response. Steve had his arms crossed, ready to give her a lecture while Bucky just played with a button on his jacket. _God, it’s like I’m getting scolded by my parents_ , not that Howard or Maria ever really scolded her except for Howard saying she wasn’t a boy. “If I tell you, ya can’t freak out now, that goes for you too Mr. Stars and Stripes and Buckaroo.” 

“Well?” 

“Ok kids, sit down for this, trust me, just do it.” Everybody sat down as Toni sighed, trying to relax as much as possible. She could just tell the truth or maybe just sugarcoat it a bit to sound more reasonable. “Look, I don’t know how but on my mission, I guess someone was smart enough to figure out I wasn’t a guy. I was only a couple of weeks into my mission and I ended up dressing like a guard for most of it. Anyway, I was discovered and they ended up just taking me out. They cuffed me, strapped me to an examining table, I ended up meeting Zola and Schmidt, they demanded that I tell them everything and I refused.” Toni didn’t even realize her hands were shaking, she couldn’t meet their eyes, no, not at this moment. She looked down at her hands, the crimson stain stuck on her, dried blood sticking under her nails. “I was in a room, being watched constantly, they gave me food and water but that was it.Whenever I refused, they dunked me water, kicked me, hurt me, they wanted me to break and they didn’t succeed. For days, weeks maybe, I was drifting in and out, I forgot who I was for a moment, what purpose I had. I couldn’t tell anymore what was real, what wasn’t.” She looked up, Peggy fidgeting at hearing what she was saying. 

Steve was angry, his fists clenching and unclenching, and Bucky, anger wasn’t what described how he looked. He held tightly onto a piece of the dresser, it looked ready to break at any moment. “They took samples of my blood, skin, everything. They wanted everything from me, including what kept me alive. When Zola was able to recreate the superserum, he tested it on me. They shoved me into a wheelchair, cuffed me, and muzzled me basically. I couldn’t do anything as they strapped me down onto the table, screaming when he put the serum in. When it was happening, Schimdt looked me in the eye and said _‘what is about to happen to you will be a gift, a miracle for HYDRA,’_ before leaving. After that I guess they left me on the table when Steve found me.” 

She ignored the angry tears that were falling, she hated crying, but at the same time felt strong. Toni never talked about what happened whenever she was kidnapped. She refused to talk about Ten Rings, or the Mandarin, or the attempts when she was a child. Toni didn’t expect anyone to ever rescue her, for fucksake, she wasn’t surprised when Howard didn’t pay the ransoms or give the kidnappers anything. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been kidnapped, and it won’t be the last. People assume I’m weak, and I don’t expect to be rescued either. It was a shock to me when Steve came, I thought I was hallucinating maybe.” 

Steve looked down at her, the sadness showing in his eyes before he looked away. She could’ve sworn she saw something else, what was it? Guilt? Shame? Maybe it was guilt. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t come in time to stop what they did.” Toni shook her head at that, slightly surprised he was apologizing. Steve never apologized even if he was wrong, even when he did, it never meant much. 

“It’s not your fault, no one saw it coming. Like I said, it’s not the first time I’ve almost died, or been tortured, or kidnapped.” Bucky shook his head, walking towards her, he pulled her to her feet, and hugged her. “Gotta say doll, you’ve been through everything. We’ll make sure those HYDRA people get what they deserve.” She smiled at him, squeezing tightly. Peggy stood up, wiping a single tear from her eye. “We need to figure out where the bases are located, and how they found Toni.”

“They tracked me, put a damn tracker on me before Steve got there. I don’t remember when it was though.” Peggy nodded, understanding immediately, “well that does make sense, considering you have the serum now and that thing in your chest. You’ll be more valuable than Steve even.”

“This isn’t my first encounter with HYDRA, it was before my mission.” Toni said darkly, memories resurfacing in her head. The trio looked at her, shock silencing the room, “what do you mean this isn’t your first encounter?” Peggy questioned, Steve and Bucky both looking at her, trying to figure out what she meant.

“Let’s just say that HYDRA is like the parasite that will never leave me alone.”

____________

Howard was able to use X-Rays to find the tracker, which was in her wrist. It was incredibly tiny, hard to extract but they managed. Now, Colonel Phillips and Peggy were searching for all the HYDRA bases that Steve tried pinpointing. It had been a week since HYDRA found Toni again, they were now in Denmark, hiding in plain sight. There meetings and missions given but the main focus was to find everything they could on HYDRA. The Howling Commandos were officially a thing now, they were misfits as Toni liked to call it. They would have meetings and were assigned different positions to look for any info on HYDRA.

While everything was going smoothly, Toni was slowly starting to lose sleep, she would help Howard engineer or create weapons to help the Commandos and Steve. But also there was paranoia now, everywhere she went. Present day Toni wouldn’t show it, try not to flinch whenever someone touched her. But when she fell asleep, it was hard. There were only nightmares of skeletons, blood, bombs, red, red everywhere. It engulfed her, swallowing her whole, filling her lungs. She was never sure whether it represented the blood on her hands or the water filling her. In public places, she would go to the library, watch and read, wearing the E.D.I.T.H glasses sometimes, identifying whoever she could. She would stay until the sky became darker, walking back to where she lived, looking at the colorful houses as she passed. 

Today, the Commandos, Steve, and Bucky were on a mission, there was a facility that was turned into a HYDRA one outside the capital of Denmark. Their orders were to destroy it, blow it up as Colonel Philips said. Meanwhile here, Peggy was working in her office and Howard was working on more weapons for the team. Toni walked into her small apartment, closing the door quietly, her heels clacking against the hardwood floor. She hung her coat up and took her shoes off, stopping when she heard music being played. It was from the old piano the apartment had. The landlord said that it came with the apartment so Toni went with it.

She pulled her gun, aiming at whatever or whoever it was, as she rounded the corner. There, sitting at the piano was Loki, playing the piano quietly. “Ah, Antonia, I was wondering when you’d arrive.” She sighed, relieved it was someone she knew, putting the gun away. “Glad to see you too, Lokes. Whatcha doin’ here?”

“I was bored, I suppose, the Avengers were boring me a little. It’s only been two weeks since you’ve been missing.”

“Wait, wait, wait! You mean to tell me that it’s only been two weeks since I’ve disappeared. It’s almost been a year here!” 

“Well, my dear, I do believe time works differently here than in the present time. The team has missed you as well.” Toni rolled her eyes, _I’m sure they do_. “Well, to what do I owe this visit then?” 

“I was simply bored, but also I have noticed you haven’t slept at all?”

“Oh jesus, please! Not you too!”

“I assure you, I am not Jesus. But you do look rather tired.”

“Everyone I know has been saying that. But I’m fine, really fine.” She said, sitting down next to Loki at the piano. Loki chuckled at the answer, continuing to play as Toni sighed. There was a knock on the door, interrupting the peace they both had. Loki disappeared as Toni walked over to the door, opening it. Standing before her was Colonel Phillips, holding a folder. 

“Colonel, surprised you of all people, would visit me.” The Colonel smirked as he walked in, viewing the apartment as Toni closed the door. “I have a mission for you, it’s important that no one knows about this.”

“Ok, but mind asking me what it is?” 

“All the information is in that folder, when you are done with it, destroy it.” Toni nodded, watching as the Colonel quickly left her apartment. It was suspicious that he left so quickly, only leaving the folder behind. She opened it, shocked to read what was standing before her. There was information on the Red Room, along with a few HYDRA agents supposedly laying low, acting as teachers in the Red Room. Colonel Phillips wanted her to investigate where the HYDRA agents were. She stopped breathing though when underneath the pictures, it said

> Order To Kill If Targets Fight Back

. _Lovely_.

She was supposed to leave in the nighttime just as the Commandos would be coming back. Toni knew that Steve or Bucky wouldn’t be happy that she was going on another mission. The only reason Toni hadn’t been assigned a mission yet was because Peggy and Steve kept telling the Colonel that she wasn’t ready yet. It made Toni regret telling them what happened now, but it was in a moment of weakness. Which Toni made herself promise wouldn’t happen again, for a while at least. Bucky was ok with her going on another mission, as long as she came back in one piece. Honestly if she knew Bucky was always so flexible, they would’ve become friends a long time ago. 

Though the HYDRA agents were playing as teachers, they were moving quickly towards Moscow, now just playing as professors or something. Toni huffed, this was going to be a long trip, another life or death kinda situation. But hey, Toni was known to do things without thinking about it first so it was fine. It seemed that in case Toni “wasn’t ready,” the Colonel said he’d make up an excuse for why she was gone. Toni laughed at that, already knowing when she got back, they would be all over her. 

____________

It was cold as Toni walked through the snow, passing people quietly as she walked to an apartment. Colonel Phillips had made a plan for her, giving her an apartment a friend rented out to. Toni was utterly exhausted, having taken more trains that she could count to get here. During the train rides, Toni was able to learn Russian, in case she needed to understand what was going on. Toni just prayed that this would be a quick trip, but when did she ever get what she wanted? 

“Добрый вечер.” A woman smiled, welcoming Toni to her apartment. Toni smiled before the woman handed her an envelope and walked out the door. It was from the Colonel, reading the address, Toni rolled her eyes, tossing it on the table. The apartment had nice, clean wooden floors, beautiful windows, and nice furniture. She didn’t think much of it as she checked the fridge, there was food stocked along with water and a few sodas. Popping a soda open, Toni finally opened the letter, reading about how apparently the Colonel found info on the first HYDRA agent, named Adrik Kuznetsov, he was only recruited by HYDRA recently, and was a scientist living originally in Berlin. He wanted her to take him out or bring him in for questioning but considering he was in hiding, Kuznetsov would be useless. 

She rubbed her temple, trying to ease the growing headache she had, knowing this was already gonna be a long night. Her job was to follow the man anywhere she could find him, if or when he was alone, she was ordered to take him out. Toni was tempted to use her suit right now, tap the reactor and fly away from this, all of this. She hated being handed things for a reason, because in the end, something would always end up pointing back to her. The arc reactor hummed as the silence was boring Toni to death, pulling the ear piece out of her bag, she put it in. “Miss. Stark, it’s been a while.” Joked Friday, making Toni laugh as she and Friday made notes and plans on how to take the HYDRA agent down. 

____________

It was cold again, nothing new changed, but it was a few more weeks before Toni finally decided what move she’d make. Kuznetsov was moving around a lot, going outside the border of Moscow and near the valleys and forests. His most recent visit was to a farm on the east of Moscow’s border. She followed him there, and when he left, questioned the people working on the farm immediately. Here she was again, standing in the cold, watching him from afar. He had taken her to the woods once again, holding a black duffel bag, from the look and size of it, Toni was positive that it was a weapon of some sort. She had followed him, but not too close, trying to not make too many footprints in the snow. Toni wore her gear, in case something happened, by the looks of it, anything was possible. 

The harsh wind blew her braided hair and the snowflakes stuck to her skin as she followed him, staying a few yards away. They stopped suddenly, making her stop and watch from a tree. She watched as the man stood, waiting for something clearly. She decided that this would be the moment that she got ready to shoot, stiffly moving about to prepare for this. Aiming for his head, she waited, finger on the trigger, waiting for whoever came out. She heard footsteps, multiple pairs walking towards him, about ready to pull the trigger, she stopped short. Standing before the scientist was the Howling Commandos, Steve and Bucky both were standing at the front. _You have gotta be kidding_. This was some sort of deal that Toni was clearly left out. Kuznetsov dumped the duffel bag on the ground, opening it to show weapons that derived from the tesseract itself. Dum Dum and Falsworth checked the bag as Steve and Bucky waited, they both nodded and retreated to the group. Turning their backs, none of the men noticed the scientist pulling out a gun aiming for them. Without even a breath, Toni shot the man, watching as he dropped the gun and collapsed into the snow. She packed everything up, and walked away from them. Toni figured that they didn’t know that she was here, it was better that way. Protect them from things that they didn't know yet. 

It was all quick, quiet, just as Toni had planned, whether the group was meant to be there or not. But it made her angry, the Colonel didn’t tell her and Toni hated when people didn’t tell her something that could help. The grip she had on the handle of the motorcycle she had could break it easily, she started it up, roaring the machinery to life. She drove away from that mess, a mess that wouldn’t have happened if the Commandos weren’t there in the first place. Toni knew she would have to be careful coming back to the apartment, burn everything, destroy all evidence that she was there. 

All Toni knew at the moment though, was that she was angry…

____________

The apartment was quiet when she arrived, she parked the motorcycle outside, pulling her stuff together quietly. Toni opened the door, a hand on her holster in case, she turned the lights on, expecting anyone to be there. Luckily, no one was there, leaving Toni to clear everything out. But the anger was still there, which ended up how the apartment became a mess after. She stepped on the broken glass, dropping a burning match on the floor. _Honestly, this was a waste of time._

Walking out the door, Toni grabbed what she needed, quickly scribbling a note of what happened to the landlord. The landlord said Toni could do whatever she wanted, heck, even burn it down if she needed to. Clearly the woman understood why Toni was there and didn’t care for an explanation after that. But there was still anger lingering in Toni, and she knew exactly who to take it out on. Colonel Phillips said that if she did kill the HYDRA scientist, surely there would be information he had on the next HYDRA base. So that’s where Toni headed next, driving out of the city of Moscow and back into the cold, snowy wilderness. 

It only took a few days to find the safehouse that Kuznetsov was staying in, breaking the door in and finding everything she needed. Toni was able to grab information that she or the SSR needed, finding information on the base that was apparently outside of Russia’s borders, near Poland and Ukraine. As she noticed the coordinates, she saw pictures, photographs, written notes along with them. _The_ pictures were of her, moments of when she was alone, or when she was training troops. There were notes describing what was in her body, the supposed virus that they didn’t know of, pictures of samples. Samples of _her_ blood, her skin, everything. “How could I be so stupid?” She mumbled, looking through everything, it made her heart stop. It made Toni want to run away from it all again, beg Loki to come pick her up and take her back to the Stark Tower. 

“But this is what _you_ wanted though, to stay behind, isn’t it?” Toni said to herself, reminding her of the task at hand. She would need to fight every urge to keep going, whether she knew what this meant or not. 

But for now, she could burn whatever the scientist had on her, anything that other HYDRA agents could find. Toni would just have to be more careful, make sure that she wasn’t being watched. She looked over the stack of folders sitting on a desk, reading Classified, papers shoved into them. Opening them, she could see notes on how HYDRA was now hiring and training females to become like Captain America or Toni. Zola must’ve realized that if Toni, a female, could handle the torture, the injection, and live. Other females could too, if they were trained properly. Toni noted the way that most of the women were weak, not too strong but not strong to handle a shield to the chest or recover. She saw the blonde agent that attacked her, Agent 7. 

HYDRA stated that once the women were trained and ready to go out in the field, their previous names were useless. All the female agents had numbers instead, some had one number, others had more. Toni also noticed that some of the women were already trained from the Red Room. She internally gagged, seeing the names pop up from the Red Room.

> When ready, Agents are injected with superserum, and tested in the field. 

So because of Toni, now HYDRA was making an female army, _guess that’s the power of feminism for ya_. Toni saw how she was called Agent X, not Carbonell, it read that she went rogue, escaped, and that she was now the target. HYDRA wanted the female agents to take Toni down, aimed to kill, or bring in if she was willing. _Over my dead body would I be willing_. Some of them were French, Russian, Ukrainian, or Polish. The base that they were all located in was the one that Toni needed to find. Which meant if she was gonna be able to find the base, she would need someone’s help, which meant going back to where this all started.

_Let’s go SSR._

____________

She used the motorcycle until she got to the train station, leaving it there and leaving a note saying anyone could use it. From there, Toni ended up in Poland, staying in Warsaw a few days before taking the train to Denmark. Once arriving in Denmark, she walked from there to the apartment, shivering in the cold as snowflakes fell from the sky. It was nighttime, and there wasn’t much bustling in the city as Toni walked by. She walked up the stairs to her apartment, silently walking through the halls to her door. But the door was already open slightly, it was unlocked as well, Toni stopped. She held her breath in as she pulled the gun from her thigh holster, quietly loading it, pushing the door open with the tip of the gun. Walking in slowly, her breathing evening out, Toni slowly walked in the dark, carefully watching her surroundings. 

The light in her living room was on and there was music playing from the gramophone, playing It’s Been a Long, Long Time. That song always made Steve sad, but yet he would play it in the speakers he had on his floor. Sometimes he forced her to dance with him, just because he was lonely. She would watch as tears would fall from his eyes, hearing the lovely voice of the woman singing about words never being said. 

_Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again, It’s been a long, long time_. There was a chair rocking silently. Then all the lights turned on, making Toni stop in her tracks, her breathing stopping. Peggy was standing there drinking tea, but quickly putting it down when she saw Toni. Steve held his hands at a level that meant no harm, and Bucky was sitting in the rocking chair, staring at her. Her heartbeat was slowly becoming steady as she put the gun away, trying to calm her shaking hands. “W-what are you doing here?” She said, slowly walking towards them, confused on what was going on. Steve raised his eyebrow at her, looking at her expectantly, “where were you, Carbonell?” She glared at the way he said her last name, pointing it at him in anger. 

“Assuming that Colonel Phillips didn’t say anything, I guess I can tell you now since you're here.” She snapped, ignoring Steve’s frown directed at her. “I was in Russia for a few weeks.” 

“A few weeks?! Doll, you were gone for more than a month!” Bucky stood up furiously, almost knocking the chair over in the process. “Did you even consider maybe what would happen if you didn’t tell me?!” 

“I don’t need to ask permission, do I?!” She snapped at him, anger oozing out of her, “ya know what, get out, all of you. I don’t need to deal with this right now. I am tired and I would like to be alone.” She said, looking at the other two. Bucky glared right back at her, refusing to move as Peggy and Steve both walked away. “That includes you, Sergeant Barnes.” She said, looking at him expectantly, internally surprised when he ignored her command, sitting back down in the chair. “Nah, I think I’m good, doll.” He smirked at her coldly before continuing to listen to the music. She huffed, sitting on the couch, closing her eyes for a moment. She breathed in the scent of home, or what she considered home for now. 

“So, ya wanna tell me what happen’?” Bucky said, slowly sitting down next to her, Toni rested her head on his shoulder, anger slowly fading away. She ended up laying in his lap, while Bucky played with her hair, “it’s a long story.”

“I got all the time in the world, love.” Toni laughed at that, wishing, hoping it was true. If only they had all the time in the world, it would all make it better. “If I tell you, that’s asking you to not get angry.”

“Fine.” Bucky adjusts their positions, moving Toni to lay on his chest while facing her away. “Phillips wanted me to find some HYDRA agents.” Starting off with that sentence, she could already feel Bucky’s hands stop in her hair, tensing up beneath her. “He sent me to Russia, wanted me to find a few agents there because apparently they were hiding. I was only able to find one, found out the others had already left by the time I got there,” she continued to ignore the way Bucky would tense up more and more,” found one agent though. He was a scientist for HYDRA, helped Zola in creating the superserum. Anyway, watched him for a few weeks, learned where he went, what he did, who he spoke to. I shot him in the woods and then left.” 

“Wait, that was you? Who shot the guy?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Jesus, when he went down, Steve ordered us ta run, grab the stuff he gave us n’ go. Steve was surprised when Colonel Phillips didn’t ask who shot the guy.” 

“Yeah you guys were in the middle of my shot. Saw him ready to pull a weapon and ended up shooting him and left. Can I continue?” Bucky rolled his eyes and stayed silent, “anyway, I got back, burned the apartment down, and then was able to find the guy’s apartment or lab. Found stuff, some information on what was going on.”

“Somethin’ is tellin’ me that your not tellin’ the whole story, hun.” Toni rolled her eyes, positioning herself to sit in front of Bucky. “I-I don’t know really how but it seems that the guy had tabs on me too. He was watching me or someone else maybe. I don’t really know but there were pictures of me, pictures of the samples they took. There were notes saying that I went “rogue” and that I could be a threat to HYDRA. They’ve also started to inject the serum into more females because they believe that since I survived it, they can do it to more females. They train them and when they are ready, inject the serum and send them out into the field. HYDRA wants me back but has ordered agents to kill me if I do not comply.” 

Toni looked at Bucky, uncertain of his reaction towards what she just said. But all he could muster was a curt nod and then stood up. “W-what are you doing?” 

“Well, you missed this song, so I think we should dance to it, doll. Come on, don’t leave me hangin’.” He held his hand out to her, Toni taking it slowly before she stood up. Bucky smiled, his hand coming to her waist and the other holding her hand while they danced. It’s Been A Long, Long Time came back on, playing in the background. There were memories that the song brought back, making Toni tear up slightly. But she refused to let them go, furiously blinking them away, as they danced. “Why is a pretty girl like you cryin’, dollface?” He said as he stroked her cheekbone softly, smiling down at her. 

“Sorry, it’s just that the last person I danced with to this song, well he was sad. Very, very sad, it brought back many memories to him whenever he listened to it. He’d always ask me to dance because it helped a little to dance to it.”

“Why was he sad?”

“There was someone he loved once, he had promised her a date, a dance. It’s uh, it’s complicated to explain really. There’s more to it.” 

“Did he break her heart or somethin’?”

“No, no, it’s just… he didn’t get as much time with her as he could. He was in the Army once, and when he came back, they never met each other again.”

“Did they try?”

“It wasn’t possible.”

____________

Two days later, Toni walked into the SSR office, trying to find Peggy and Colonel Phillips together hopefully. She regretted wearing higher heels today, they were tall but not as tall as Pepper’s shoes. Those heels could be used as a weapon if the idea was ever presented. She was proud of her outfit today, it made her look more clean, fresh, like she wasn’t just on a mission a month ago. Today’s outfit consisted of a navy blue boat neckline sweater with a black knee length pencil skirt. She matched it with some high black pointed heels, making her regret it already. 

She decided to leave her hair down, because honestly, no matter how many times Peggy tried to explain pinning them up, Toni would never get it. It was either keeping it down or putting it in a bun. The whole pin up thing Toni tried, but gave up when it started to make her arms ache. Toni was walking, faster than usual but hey, it was important. Toni was trying to find Peggy when she rounded a corner, seeing Steve and some blonde secretary _kissing_. She didn’t notice that Peggy was walking right behind her, stopping short when Toni’s mouth was wide open. 

Peggy looked in her direction, jealousy coming on at seeing Steve, “ah, well it seems you're busy, I’ll come back later.” Steve startled, pulling away from the blonde secretary and trying to fix his clothes. “Toni, I heard you were looking for me.” 

“Yes, I, uh have a few questions on some information I found while in Russia.” Peggy nodded, walking alongside Toni as she continued to explain what she saw. Peggy stopped though when she heard Toni explaining what she saw in the lab. “Wait, you mean to tell me that HYDRA is hiring more women to fight against you?”

“Well, yes--”

“Does the Colonel know about this?”

“N-no, but I did send him a telegram about it.” Peggy nodded, turning her head back to Steve, who was flustered, stopping to look at him. “Howard wants to see you by the way.” 

“R-right, uh, Peggy-"

“You’ll be late. Go.” Peggy shooed him away before continuing the conversation with Toni, “so, female agents for HYDRA, and they’re all targeted to kill you.” 

“Yup, basically, I guess they think they can take me down by using the same gender against me.” Peggy rolled her eyes before they stopped in front of the map. The map was showing all the bases or the supposed bases HYDRA had so far. “I was able to find a base HYDRA has, it’s outside the border of Russia, in between Poland and Ukraine.”

“Interesting, Steve was able to give us all of the bases, you sure this is a base, dear?”

“Look, the only way I can tell is if I go there, alone at least.” Peggy raised an eyebrow at her, crossing her arms. “Toni, you sure that is a smart idea?”

“Since when have I ever made a decision that’s not smart?” Peggy looks at her pointedly, “where shall I begin.”

“Hey! That wasn’t the moment you shared your thoughts. Do you agree with this plan or not?” Peggy sighed, knowing her, Toni already knew the answer to what she was going to say. “Alright, but you have to bring Steve and Bucky with you. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Mom.” Peggy smiled at her before they walked into Howard’s workshop. Steve was trying out different shields while Bucky was teasing him. Toni watched quietly as Steve picked the vibranium shield with interest, feeling it. Howard would talk about how it was the rarest metal to find. “Peggy, what do you think?” Peggy raised an eyebrow at him before picking up a gun, aiming it directly at the shield. The bullets bounced off the shield, leaving only a dark mark. There was a silence as Toni just laughed, almost dropping the files. There were tears in her eyes as Peggy smirked at her before walking away. 

“Steve, you messed up.” Bucky said, while trying to keep himself upright from laughing so hard. Steve gaped at the exit where Peggy walked out, too shocked to form words yet. Howard chuckled, regaining composure and walked over to Toni. “I have a new weapon for ya, if you wanna see it. It could be useful.” Toni nodded, following Howard to another table where there were guns laying out. She trailed her fingers over them, feeling the edges and bumps along them. “Since Steve has his shield, Bucky has his guns, you need something. So these weapons are powered by the tesseract, gives ya a boost.”

Toni nodded, looking at some of them. “Howard, as much as I appreciate this, can I show you something.” Howard looked at her curiously, following her into his small office. She looked out the door before closing it fully, turning back to Howard. “Look, I’m about to show you something that might freak you out, so I need you to keep quiet.” Howard nodded, looking unsure at what she was saying, Toni didn’t blame him though. She was gonna show him the suit, including the arc reactor, which was created by him originally. 

She tapped the arc reactor, feeling the nanotech slowly form itself around her, except for her face. Once everything was in place, she looked up at Howard. He was frozen in place, mouth agape as he fell back into a chair. “Ah! Please don’t freak out!” She said, putting her hands out, trying to ease Howard. “I-I’m not freaking out, are you freaking out, I am definitely not freaking out!” Howard stuttered, shaking as he stood, looking over Toni’s suit. “Did you create this?” 

“If I tell you then that leads to a lot more explaining. Something I don’t really wanna get into.”

“You could just tell me yes, and we’d be done.” Howard snarked back, smirking as Toni rolled her eyes. “Ok, yes I did create it, jeez.” Howard nodded before looking at her chest, straight at the arc reactor. “So, I guess this is your thing? Steve has the shield, Bucky has guns, and you… have this?”

“Yes, but I can’t use it because it would attract the wrong kind of attention. Right?” Toni honestly couldn’t believe she was asking her father’s opinion on this but hey, there was no other choice. “Right, but use it when absolutely necessary. I’m gonna assume that that thing in your chest powers the whole suit?”

“It also keeps me alive.” 

“Why?”

“Uh, accident I guess, I don’t really remember much of it.”

“Something to do with the torture Peggy told me about.”

“Ok, see this is why I’m never open with anyone, jeez, no one can keep a secret around here.” Howard chuckled, patting her on the back gently. “Well I will assume that, but you don’t have to tell me anything else. But guess those weapons I showed you might come in handy.” 

“That’s if I don’t use the suit.”

“Are you planning on using it? If so, use it when there’s absolute danger.” Toni rolled her eyes, _oh god, now he sounds like dear old Dad_. “Yes, Dad.” Howard laughed at her before she tapped the arc reactor to retrieve the nanobots. 

“Try this one, it’s powered by the tesseract, it’s small but powerful.” Toni smiled before aiming it at a target board, raising it, and pulling the trigger. She watched with wide eyes how the power of the bullet with the tesseract burned right through the target board. Toni shot it again, feeling adrenaline run through her veins, doing it again and again. Until she was closer to the target board than before. She lowered it, ignoring the smell of smoke coming from the board, when she turned around, there was a small group watching her. Mostly men, but Peggy and Bucky both were smirking at her while Steve smiled like a proud parent. 

How interesting it was for her life to be like this now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Der rote Schädel sagt Hallo: The Red Skull says Hello
> 
> Was willst du?: What do you want?
> 
> Sie wissen nicht, wann Sie aufgeben sollen, oder?: You don't know when to give up, do you?
> 
> Fahr zur Hölle: Go to Hell
> 
> Добрый вечер: Good Evening


	6. Cold Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni recalls the many memories she has now with Bucky, and also has a small breakdown in the process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toni has a slight breakdown from the nightmares she has. Also, I don't know how to write smut so sorry if there isn't any so far.
> 
> Today's my birthday so this is my birthday present to all who enjoy reading this story.

They were in the cold again, the snow blowing through Toni’s hair as she walked through it. Behind her were Steve and Bucky, both armed and ready for anything. They were on the border of Poland, outside of a small town on the borders between Poland and Ukraine. Toni was able to find the coordinates for the HYDRA base, which led them to where they were now. Peggy forced Toni to bring the two men with her if she refused to bring the Commandos instead. Toni figured that Bucky didn’t know yet that he had the superserum but perhaps it was better that way. 

Steve stood beside her as they hid behind a few bushes, waiting for the right moment to move. “Ok, listen up kids, here’s the plan. I’m gonna distract them, you two run towards that place, and then we’ll meet halfway.” She turned towards them, hands on her hips expectantly, Steve shook his head while Bucky just said, “doll, thought you said you were a genius. That’s the worst plan ever.” 

“Well, it’s all I got unless you have a better idea, Buckaroo.” 

“Why don’t we just go in together?” Bucky said, raising his eyebrow at her, humour sparkling in his eyes at her which only made Toni roll her eyes at him. “Can we be serious here, this is a mission.” 

“Oh, buck up Spangles, we don’t even know for sure if it’s an actual facility.” Steve glared at her while Bucky snorted, both shutting up when Toni heard movement. It was a truck, no, not just any truck, a HYDRA truck. “Oh, fuck, it’s HYDRA, go!” Toni pushed through the bushes, shoving Steve and Bucky out of the way as she ran straight towards the truck, aiming her gun right at the driver. The truck was going faster than ever and Toni only had so much faith in her aim, but she prayed to any god out there that this would work. She breathed in, _breathe_ , exhale, pull the trigger, and that bullet went right through. 

The truck skidded to a stop just as it stopped right in front of her, her breathing becoming faster as the HYDRA soldiers ran out, being hit instantly. Bucky rushed towards her, as Steve used his shield to hit the rest running from behind the truck. “Well, guess we know it’s HYDRA now.” They got in the truck, driving up the path until they followed more into a facility, there were weapons lined up everywhere, along with HYDRA soldiers and the female agents. 

The female agents were lined up, wearing black cargo pants and t-shirts, they were all standing in formation, waiting for orders as the instructor checked them. “Слушай дамы! Ваша миссия - убить агента Х. Убедите ее перейти на другую сторону, если можете.” Tony glared at the words the instructor said, _no way in hell are they gonna persuade me_. God, they still thought they could change her mind and annoyed the hell out of Toni so much. She watched as the female agents nodded, and walked in a line to the rooms they stayed in. 

“So what are we gonna do?” Bucky whispered to them, sniper rifle poking out from his shoulder, Steve holding his shield tightly as they both then looked to Toni. “Oh, Jesus, don’t look at me. Aren’t you the man with a plan, Cap?”

“Technicall, this is your mission soo.” Steve drawled out, shrugging his shoulders at her while Toni rolled her eyes, “I suck at plans, ok? Like I’m known to just go in, deal with the mess later.” 

“That's unhealthy.”

"Oh shut up, look the point is we know now that this is a HYDRA base, so we do what we do best. Destroy it.” The men looked at her sceptically and she could already tell that her plan wasn’t good. But Toni was known to just go with it as she went, which caused many problems for her. But this is HYDRA, so it’s fine. _Ok, focus Toni_ , Toni told herself, racking her brain for ideas but gave up, because honestly destroying the base was the goal. And that’s exactly what they did, separating, and placing sensors on doorways so that the next person coming would set it off to explode, it was Howard’s idea for that one with Toni’s help. 

They shot anyone that was in their way, which were almost all the HYDRA soldiers, but someone must’ve passed along a message that the female agents were to be released. It was when Toni and Bucky were shooting the last of the HYDRA soldiers, bodies falling quickly around their feet. The agents broke down the door, setting off some of the bombs instantly, running towards Toni and Bucky. 

“You sure you wanna be here with me?” Bucky only smirked at those words, “of course, dollface.” 

After that, they both fought the female HYDRA agents left and right, throwing knives and shooting bullets. As much as Toni wished that took them down, they didn’t because these ladies weren’t going down without a fight. But luckily, it only took twenty minutes tops to finally pronounce them all dead. Toni was ready to collapse from everything that happened but knowing HYDRA, the fight wasn’t over yet. She was thankful that Bucky was with her, it gave her some strength to continue on finding Steve and getting the hell outta the base. 

The hall was empty as they heard explosions nearby the closer they got to the exit of the facility. Luckily, Steve was there, waiting for them, and guarding the door. “Well, this definitely was a HYDRA base but not anymore. Everyone dead?” Steve nodded, holding the shield out as Bucky and Toni ran past him, following shortly behind. Everything was going great, and Toni repeatedly told herself this every time, but she should know better to think that. There were two more female agents that were there, running towards Bucky and Steve before they had time to see it happen. Toni knew she didn’t have time to pull out her gun and aim, the only thing she could do… was put on the goddamn suit of armour. 

Tapping the reactor, the nanotech spilling over her body, forming on her body just as the first female agent went to attack. She stood in front of Bucky and Steve, repulsors aimed at the two, shielding the two men. She aimed the repulsor at the agent, making her go flying as the other one jumped onto Toni’s back, making her stumble backwards. The agent was able to wrap her forearms around Toni’s neck, cutting off her airway. Thinking quickly, Toni aimed her hand right at the agent’s face, the repulsor blowing her face off completely and sending her flying. Her hands had dug into the faceplate, bringing some of the nanotech with her, but Toni wasn’t too worried about that, they would reconnect with her shortly. 

Half of the faceplate was gone, showing her tangled hair and cuts on her face, at some point her nose was bleeding and Toni couldn’t remember how it happened. Nothing compared to the shocked faces that Bucky and Steve were both sporting perfectly. It made Toni want to laugh if she wasn’t in such a terrible state right now. “Ok… where did that come from?” Bucky said, eyes wide as he was holding onto Steve’s shoulder for support. _Oh yeah, they are definitely broken now._

“Well, they were gonna kill you. Can’t lose good soldiers now, can we?” She tapped the arc reactor again, the armour fading back into the reactor as she put her hands on her hips, smirking at them. Too stunned to even say anything, they just followed her back to their base, not even bothering to talk the whole ride back to the base. When they arrived, Toni just made the excuse to Peggy that they were too tired to even think about anything. In private, she told Howard what happened and damn, did they have a good laugh about it, never letting the two soldiers live that down. 

____________

She knew that they would have questions, for heaven's sake, Toni was waiting for it. What she wasn’t expecting was a telegram from Colonel Phillips saying that she would be part of the Howling Commandos. The Senator thought that if Toni joined, more women would want to volunteer in the workforce and help out their men. Reading the whole thing made Toni roll her eyes so hard, it gave her a headache. Seriously, she was glad that she was never born in this era, the amount of discrimination agaisnt woman was annoying her. Toni already knew that her being here at all was changing the course of history, no woman had ever actually fought on the front lines. Or at least in Toni’s book no one did, no one she knew of except Peggy. 

Today they were supposed to go to another base, it was located in Poland, and it was meant to be in and out as the Colonel ordered. Although those may have been the orders for the _Howling Commandos_ , as always, Toni had different orders. To be honest, she kind of hated being separated from the rest of the group, being sent away to complete a mission that the Colonel thought that Cap and his buddies couldn’t complete. She didn’t blame him though, Rogers and Barnes always had a mission to complete and so did the Howling Commandos. But there were missions that were harder and maybe the Colonel knew that, which is why she was always sent in. Toni wondered if this was his way of getting her out on the field and not worrying over excluding her from the rest of them. 

What was really funny was that companies were now creating comics about _her_! Specifically her, calling her Agent Carbonell, Special Agent of the SSR. The costume design they made for her showed a lot more cleavage than she would’ve liked, along with making her extremely curvy for some odd reason. The comics usually consisted of her fighting in Russia or Europe in general, and fighting alongside the Howling Commandos and Captain America. The amount of love interests that the writers put into the comics made her look like a whore or something and Toni did not approve. Before she knew it, there were action figures of her, limited edition cards, and of course, films too. It was honestly hilarious to Toni that she was turned into a hero in war time, laughing whenever she saw pictures of herself on ads for War bonds or something. 

It did help her to realize though that she shouldn’t blame the US for creating these things, they just wanted a hero to look up to during these difficult times. Captain America was one of them, and gave them hope, which made Toni breathe a little more. She was definitely going to check if these things still existed when she got back to the present. 

Her relationship with Bucky was becoming more and more _intimate_ , let’s just leave it at that. Have they done it a few times? Maybe, shush, don’t judge. He’s her boyfriend, she can do whatever she wants and that’s that. But Toni should’ve known that there’s always a cost to good things like this, which in words meant that the mission where Mr. Bucky Barnes falls off a train, was coming up in due time, yeah she was questioning it all. She should’ve known better, after all, she is a genius. The only thing that was stopping Toni from ending the relationship was that Bucky was different. She didn’t blame Steve for wanting his best friend back after escaping from HYDRA’s hands. Honestly, Toni understood too now that Bucky would never be the same as he was now. 

No, this Bucky was free, enjoying life as he went, loving her and being there for Steve in missions and in general. Yes, this was a different Bucky for sure because comparing the two, it was different on so many levels. The Bucky she knew in the present didn’t even know who he was anymore, and it was heartbreaking. He was quiet, and when he spoke, it would only be small words of Russian or english. Toni always felt bad for not stopping Steve from lecturing him on who he was supposed to be, and that was exactly what she planned on doing when she came back. She would make sure that Steve wouldn’t force memories back into Bucky’s head, make him be something he knew he couldn’t be anymore. 

Another thing Toni didn’t know what to do about was the feelings. She was terrible at expressing feelings but being here, with Bucky and Steve, everything she ever held in came out. It made her look so predictable or readable sometimes. She didn’t understand that, how it was so easy here, in this timeline, in this universe. In the present, there were so many masks, no one even tried to understand her, giving up with a drop of the hat. Yet, even if the feelings for Bucky were there before, he always was able to read her. When she was utterly exhausted, he would give her tea instead even if she protested. Or when she would downright pass out in random places in the tower, she always ended up back in bed, pillows scattered around. 

The first few times it happened, Toni was creeped out and confused, immediately asking Friday for the video footage. After a while though, she was actually ok with it, sometimes even hoping that Bucky would whisk her away from everything and sleep beside her. That’s what she dreams of, but does Toni ever use her words? No, and that’s the truth! 

She thought of all of this while sitting at a train station in Moscow, contemplating life like usual. There was so much time on her hands now, Toni couldn’t stand it. Her hands itched to create something, fix something or draw a schematic. But no, the Colonel just had to have her dragged back into the Motherland once again, hunting for more HYDRA agents. Toni was tempted to snap at the man and say there couldn’t possibly be any in Russia, in general, if the one she was watching was dead already. _Shot by me, personally, Mr. Salty._

Toni hated being alone, because it made her think more about her life so far, past and present. She wished she had someone to talk to about it, and that is the only reason why she had a small notebook with her. Toni tended to write everything she saw here, in the little notebook. It was a dark blue, the designs on it were of peacocks and tropical plants. Sadly, the pain was starting to come off since Toni used it so much, the pages were a yellowish color too. She used a stubby charcoal pencil to write everything down in her spare time, and to be honest, Toni was starting to feel like Bucky now. Trying to remember everything so that you could look back on it and think; _‘yes, I remember that, or oh how I wish I remembered that.’_

She didn’t get much sleep these days, not when the SSR and Colonel Phillips were on her tail all the time. Or the amount of times the Commandos would drag her out to the bar. Toni was exhausted and had it not been for Extremis, she would’ve dropped dead already. Bucky always noticed when she was tired, making sure she didn’t drink too much or fall over into a dumpster which started to happen quite a lot. Here she was though, alone, sitting at a train station in Moscow, potentially waiting for her demise. 

Toni looked up at the grey sky, inhaling the scents around her, smelling notes of smoke, wood, and perfume as she waited. She forgot why she was waiting for a train, forgot what she was doing for a second. Everything was forgotten as she finally stood to her feet. Smoothing out her coat, her heels clacking against the pavement, she made her way through the station to the exit. She decided that she, Toni Stark, needed to live a little, excluding the bar as an option. In front of her stood an opera house, apparently there was a show tonight. Seems that even fat agreed with Toni to live a little, quickly walking in and buying a ticket. The performance was of Swan Lake, and there were dancers coming in from St. Petersburg, _if only Nat was here with me_. 

With her ticket in hand, Toni walked through the small crowds, excitement bubbling inside her as the show would be starting soon. She went to her seat, sitting down and reading the brochure, hearing the instruments being tested in the background. Toni knew that every single person would want to know why she didn’t get on that train tonight, but she was willing to explain later on. After all, staying one night wouldn’t kill anyone, right? She looked at all the company corp, the lead principles, and their partners. All of this brought fond memories, (well, not really fond,) but memories at least of her dancing days. Maria always wanted her to do something with her free time, it was an excuse to get away from Howard’s workshop. Toni would always work in the workshop, either helping her father or building things by herself. Howard had long given up on trying to get her out of the workshop, accepting it and working quietly. 

Maria started to drag her to ballet lessons when she was six, apparently that’s what all the rich mothers were doing at the time. It would teach girls to be graceful, and have poise and flawlessness, something Toni hated. She ended up doing it until she was twelve, too scared to say no to her mother at the time, but also dreaming about becoming a dancer, which never happened. But dare Toni to dream of things that could never happen. For example, those feelings and that relationship she and Bucky have at the moment, all of that will be gone. Yes, yes, shoot her for thinking it over what, like three times now? Maybe less or more, but don’t blame Toni. Bucky’s poor brain has been in the blender too long, she doubted that he would remember, after all, he did kill her parents and all, but did forgive him. 

“Fancy meeting you here.” Toni looked away from the brochure, seeing a tidied-up looking Loki sitting next to her. He was a black suit, fitting his figure very well, a peek of dark green showing under his suit jacket. 

“Loki, dearest, to what do I owe the pleasure of you coming here.” Toni said, smirking at him sarcastically. “Now, now, Antonia, play nice. I’ve only come to enjoy the show tonight.”

“You told me before that I am a bore to you? Why the sudden interest?” Toni looked at him suspiciously, crossing her arms and slightly frowning. “Ah! Well you seemed to look sad when I saw you. You were sitting alone at a train station. I’d figure I could give you some company.” Loki smiled at her gently, patting her knee awkwardly before sitting back. She only hummed at that, sighing as she relaxed into the seat. There were lights being turned off and the stage became alive. 

____________

Hours later, the performance is finally over, and there are dried tears on Toni’s cheeks, watching the dancer jump from a ledge as the closing number for the final act ends. Clapping and cheering erupt in the house as Toni and others stand. She wipes the tears away, looking at Loki and smiling softly, he nods back, the twinkle of happiness in his eyes. She knew she had missed the train, and that would be ok, because this was really what she needed. 

Even better, Loki offered to transport her back to where she was supposed to be, which was Poland, Warsaw this time. He did that exactly, and Toni was in her apartment again, the familiar smell of home coming in. She was tired, tired of a lot of things lately, but she was exhausted right now. Toni couldn’t remember the last time she slept properly. The apartment was dark as she slumped against the door, closing her eyes momentarily. 

But Toni should know, when you fall asleep, there will be things, things that you have done, that will come back to haunt you. The minute she closed her eyes, there they were, the very nightmares she hated seeing. The wormhole, the Chitauri coming in, falling from it and letting go of the nuke. Then there were the moments of being hit by the Mandarin, making sure Pepper had the suit and came safely out of the mansion while Toni was only being pulled under. Every moment that terrified her, made Toni want to scream, and that’s exactly what she did. Her eyes flew open in anger, hurtfulness, getting to her feet and throwing everything that could break. 

She threw everything that was given to her by Peggy, Steve, and Bucky, and other Howling Commandos. Toni didn’t deserve any of this, everything that was given to her, she would destroy, whether it was emotionally or physically. She threw the chairs against the wall, the pans across the kitchen, the picture frames on the ground, everything. _You do not deserve any of this._ Toni didn’t even care that there was blood on her hands, cuts on her shins, and a bruise on the side of her cheek from a pan. For the moment, there was no one to stop her, stop her from destroying herself and everything she had that meant something. 

After everything that happened, Toni collapsed to her injured knees, panting heavily, no, sobbing. She didn’t need Friday to tell her that this was some sort of attack, panic or anxiety maybe? Or sleep just finally getting to her to do this much damage. Mustering enough energy to get up, Toni walked over to the door, locking it tightly before walking back into the living room. Everything around her was destroyed, while Toni sat in the middle of the floor. The couch was turned on its side and the coffee table as well, the books she had were now ripped apart. The only thing that wasn’t destroyed was her bed, which is exactly where Toni went, ignoring the blood being smeared onto her bedsheets. 

For all that it was worth, it somehow finally let Toni sleep without those nightmares, she was able to fight them this time. Letting them break her was the reason why she was able to go to sleep dreamless, alone, in her bed, without needing anywhere to help her through it. Toni didn’t care either if she was still wearing her clothes from earlier or that her heels were still on. Toni didn’t care one bit. 

____________

The surprised gasps and shrieks woke Toni up, pulling her from the peaceful sleep she had. She heard voices being heard in the kitchen or maybe the living room. She groaned, moving slowly to get up and try to calm down whoever was panicking, _probably Peggy_. First she went to the bathroom though, seeing the damage from the night before. Her makeup was smeared everywhere and her hair was sticking up at the oddest angles ever. She finally took her heels off, sighing in relief and walking out the door. 

She squinted her eyes, yawning as she walked over to the kitchen. Slowly, she started to make the coffee, forgetting for a second that people were there with her. Toni finally turned around, facing the Holy Trinity themselves, who were looking at her like she was Jesus. 

“What brings you fine felines here, today?” She said, yawning as Steve looked at her incredulously. 

“Darling, you look like you were run over.” Peggy looked at her, hands on her hips as she assessed everything wrong in this situation right now. Toni felt like her parents had just caught her having sex for the first time or something the way Steve and Peggy were looking at her. Bucky, the best man in the world, walked over and checked over her entire body. Bucky didn’t mention her hands shaking, the cuts on her knees, or the bruise on her face to anyone. 

“Good morning, beautiful,” kissing her on the cheek while she drank her coffee as Steve and Peggy went away to bicker about fixing the place back up. Watching them disappear, Bucky pulled her onto the counter, pulling her legs apart to stand between them. He stroked her cheekbone as he held her hands tightly, the shaking starting to finally stop. “You wanna tell me what happened?” Toni looked up, meeting his eyes, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

“I-I love you.” The words were blurted out before Toni could even register what she was saying. They had not said those words yet, and she already knew she was going into a dangerous territory. Knowing she said those words now, it made Toni realize that what they shared, would only be small memories to Bucky in the present time. Her hand touched his cheek this time, tracing the bone structure and staring into his eyes, ignoring the tears that started to form. _Yes, this would be ok_ , because if they were just memories, only Toni would remember. She watched as Bucky’s face wrinkled slightly in confusion, wiping the small tear away from her eyes. 

“I love you too.” She smiled faintly at him, _yes, this would have to do._ Those thoughts she had in her mind were gone now, _stay in the moment and enjoy it._

“Good.”

____________

Another mission, and being alone once again, the pattern was annoying Toni more and more but at least Steve and the Howling Commandos were with her this time. The mission was to destroy the base and find more information on the agents that were being recruited. (Which were now an equal amount of female and male agents working HYDRA.) Who knew that imprisoning one female agent from another country would change their perspective on the war. 

There were some protests in America about women fighting alongside men in the war. Emphasizing on the fact that if the enemy has women on the front lines, America should too. Which is why, in between missions, Toni was now training women, separately from men, of course, wouldn’t want any babies on the front lines now. Here she was though, at another HYDRA base, this time trying to get the tesseract while the Commandos and Cap go take down HYDRA. It was just the New Year and they only had one day off, which meant Toni was starting 1994 off very badly. Usually she would be spending it at one of the galas, getting drunk off her ass and having Happy take her home right before the ball dropped. She was usually alone in the penthouse, drinking some whiskey and muttering about how another year went by, practically calling herself old. 

She knew already that she was following into Howard’s footsteps, because this is exactly what Howard would do. Get drunk and flirt with any woman passing by, Maria too high to notice and not enough to care. Jarvis, bless his soul, would always take Toni away before Howard would become angry, giving her apple cider to celebrate the New Year. Being here though, with the Howling Commandos, made it better, she wasn’t completely alone. At the moment, she was inside the base, looking for the tesseract, which made her more annoyed because the Colonel really thought it would be here. They were just wasting her time, and Toni didn’t see the reason as to why she should be here in the first place. Either Colonel Phillips was stupid or he really though that the tesseract would be here. Red Skull isn’t that dumb though, having read the files on how he would have timed explosions to destroy the base and the information inside. Zola was able to drag away his designs and planning before she could get her hands on it. 

Walking through the empty halls, Toni could hear cheering and yelling going on outside. _Probably Jacques and Dum Dum exploding another tank_. She came across a room though, there were pictures up, It was like she was in the empty office in Russia all over again. The pictures on the wall were of the female agents, data showing the ones who died from the tested serum and the ones who survived. But the picture that stopped Toni completely was one agent, she was called Agent XLII, which reminded Toni of the Mark 42 she used before improving the armour. She internally cringed at the mention of the armour itself, it was not the best model but she patted herself on the back for updating. 

This woman looked almost like Toni, except her eyes were green and her hair was completely black. Toni’s hair was brunette but a dark shade of it, and her eyes were more blue because of Extremis. So why did this woman look almost like her? Like she could be... _no, oh god_. She ripped the photo from the wall just as she heard footsteps down the hallway. Toni pulled her gun out just as the stranger opened the door, revealing the very woman she wanted to know more about. The woman cocked her head to the side, looking Toni over and eyeing the gun in her hand. 

Before Toni could breathe, before she could run, the woman grabbed her by the throat, dragging her out into the hallway. Her grip tightening on Toni if she tried to scream, dragging her on the floor, Toni kicking her legs as much as she could while trying to grab the woman’s ankle. She was being dragged to the edge of a balcony, forced to sit up in front of the woman. She punched her, making Toni almost fall over, her head becoming dizzy from the hit. “What do you want?” Toni spat out, spitting blood out at the woman, happy that it landed on her face, the woman glared at her before crouching down and meeting her eyes. 

“What I want does not concern you. I am supposed to bring you back.” The accent on the woman was french, and Toni didn’t want to believe that this was the way to go back. Back to that place where they would only experiment on her and do it until she died or gave in. _No._ She let Extremis take over, let the fire beneath her skin spread, allowing her the strength to get up, she would not give up this time or let the enemy take her. And maybe this is what Toni needed to get up from the ground and finally regain the balance she needed to survive in this world. 

She hit Agent 42 hard, sending the woman across the balcone to the otherside. The woman waa fast though, and Toni had to admire her for getting up with the force that she was hit with. She was tempted to use the armour but decided against it, it would only attract more attention that Toni didn’t want to deal with. While she had time, Toni considers the pros and cons of this going wrong, one would be that this woman was probably as strong as her. The pro was that Toni had Extremis so that was still good, but the con was that this woman probably wouldn’t give up without a fight. The woman ran after Toni just as an explosion went off, sending them both flying out of the building completely. 

That was all Toni remembered before seeing familiar faces she knew and loved. There was shouting going on, someone calling her name. 

“TONI! Hey! Stay with me, babydoll. Steve, she's losing a lot of blood.” Toni wanted to tell them that the Extremis would heal her in minutes but was too weak. How many more times would she be caught up in explosions? Call her the Merchant of Death but jeez, Toni had a death wish. 

“ ‘M gonn’ go ta sleeep.” She mumbled, closing her eyes, it would only be for a few seconds, and then she’d wake up fine like usual. It would be ok, _right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Слушай дамы! Ваша миссия - убить агента Х. - Listen ladies! Your mission is to kill Agent X.
> 
> Убедите ее перейти на другую сторону, если можете. - Convince her to switch sides if you can.


	7. The Alps, 1945

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni does one final mission, but ends up bringing the past with her when she comes back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a really hard time trying to write this chapter the way I wanted it to but I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Also I did a little of POV from Bucky for a change, it's very small though. 
> 
> Oh, also I used a quote from Endgame so enjoy that too.
> 
> *Updated chapter February 2021*

Every nightmare that Toni ever had came back to her and yet, she couldn't wake up from it. This was her punishment for going into a coma and not waking up. What was even creepier was that she felt like she was awake but she wasn’t. She could hear voices around her and maybe that was when she was slightly awake. Sometimes she could’ve sworn she heard Steve’s voice or maybe Bucky’s or even Peggy’s. It was hard to tell, but it was all the same, what they said, “you have to wake up. Because if you don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do then.” Toni couldn't understand how many people cared enough to say that like Bucky or Steve or Peggy, it was always Rhodey and Pepper that said something along those lines. 

Sometimes she imagined her soul was watching her body being asleep but yet her mind was awake. Sometimes she tried to wake up, but it just wasn’t possible. Toni didn’t understand why, but it was clear Extremis wasn’t kicking in like it should’ve and Toni was getting frustrated. It wasn’t until Colonel Phillips came in, started talking about her next mission when Toni screamed and woke up. She ripped all the things out of her arms and stormed out of the building, not caring if she looked crazy. First thing she noticed was that she was back in New York, and that she needed to get out of the goddamn hospital. She didn’t care if any of the people that cared called for her name or tried to stop her. 

The only person that physically stopped her was Bucky when she almost ran in front of a car by pulling her wrist. He pulled her back, just like he always did, he frowned at her, her tear streaked face and bags under her eyes made him want to protect her forever. Bucky knew that recently Toni was struggling to cope with what was going on lately. She seemed more distant, more frantic and jumpy, and he hated how Colonel Phillips kept sending her on missions _alone_. He hated every second of it, and when they had sex, she seemed distant intimately and Bucky wanted the girl he met falling from the sky back. He wanted to know what kept her up so late, what made her not want to go to sleep at all, work odd hours in the lab with Howard and become so jumpy. He wanted _his_ girl back. 

Toni knew that she wasn’t the same girl that Bucky once loved but that their relationship was still a little rocky. It didn’t mean that they wouldn’t end it, but Toni was blaming it all on the fact that she _knew_ the man she started falling in love with was going to die soon. Sorry she wasn’t all fluffy and cuddly at the moment or any time recently. She felt bad for avoiding Bucky after what happened at the hospital but how do you tell someone you love that they’re gonna die soon? _Hey, Bucky, I love you! Also, you die in uh, two days? Good luck!_ Yeah, that sounded so much better in her head than in actual words. Colonel Phillips insisted that she have some R&R time before “coming back full swing”, in his words, which made Toni want to roll into a grave and die. So here she was, stuck at Steve and Bucky’s apartment while they were on some mission with the Howling Commandos. Peggy and Howard both tried to visit but recently it became fewer. 

So here Toni was, pacing around the small apartment while her coffee was cooling off. If Toni wasn’t in the 40s’ at the moment, she would take the time to do some inventing or something. Keep the edge off, and try not to panic. She had been awake for over ninety hours now, and there was no one to tell her whether she was going insane or not. Or that she needed to sleep. So yeah, that was what was happening right now because Toni shouldn’t be trusted to be alone. Somehow too, Steve never threw out the shield uniform she wore when she came, and for that Toni was grateful. Feeling a little homesick, she decided to put it on, noticing the small hole where the pole was along with some dried blood. Taking it off, she washed it, trying to avoid washing away the color with the weird 40s’ cleaning items. Toni silently thanked her mother for teaching her how to sew, because it came in handy after she washed it. Putting it back on, freshly washed of blood and patched up, she looked in the mirror. It was slightly weird to be wearing a uniform of a division that was created by her father. Whereas her father was a still a rich playboy flirting with women and not fully reaching his potential yet. 

How he created SHIELD along Peggy and Colonel Phillips and a few others, Toni would never know or understand how. But it was nice to see him in a different light in this timeline, and maybe that’s what Loki wanted her to see. That there is always a different side to people and that perhaps, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Toni should know, that’s exactly what people did to her, they called her a bitch, hypocrite, egotistic, whore, all kinds of things. She tried to never let it get to her, but there were always the days where she would drink to forget those names and the people that called her that. Only Rhodey or Pepper would only witness those moments where she let everything slip and for that, she was grateful to them. 

It was 1945 now, and Toni knew, in a day or two, Bucky would fall from that train and become the man she once hated, the Winter Soldier. She recalled all the times Steve got frustrated when Bucky couldn’t remember and that was when Toni would step in. She’d pull him aside and tell him that Bucky wouldn’t remember everything instantly, only to give it time, and from there, he did. Colonel Phillips had told her that she could return tomorrow and Toni was extremely happy, she could have the chance to change it all for the man. But there was that thought in her head though, what about the man that she did fall in love with secretly in the present? What would happen then? _He certainly would have both arms back_. But it wouldn’t be the same, and that’s why Toni was still unsure of what to do. She could try to stop it but she was unsure.

She remembered though that the Colonel only allowed her desk work and Toni already knew that that wasn’t going to go over well. So instead she went outside, into the alley next to the apartment and found the motorcycle she had bought with money well earned. It was in a rather rusty state though and Toni decided to fix it, meaning it would become more futuristic. The engine wasn’t the best but it would have to do and Toni would just have to accept that. From there, she improved the engine, changed the wheels, and somehow made the motorcycle better than it was before. It wasn’t until three in the afternoon that she decided to finally sleep and screw anyone who would interrupt her. 

____________

Waking up, it was fifteen hours later and it was morning again but Toni was more awake than before. There was a letter on the floor when she walked into the kitchen, and Toni had an idea of who it was but decided against opening it just yet. First she made the coffee and finally, two cups later, picked up the letter and opened it.

> _Toni, I know the Colonel said that you were to only do desk work but I insist that you come. We have found information regarding a train that Arnim Zola will be on. The Colonel and I plan on having the Howling Commandos get on the train and capture Zola unharmed. Please be careful and destroy this letter once you get it. Sincerely, Peggy, the Queen_

Toni chuckled at the nickname, Peggy had long accepted it and wrote it whenever she wrote to Toni. This was the moment that could change everything or at least alter it in some way. If Toni couldn’t save Bucky, the least she could do was try to save his arm from becoming metal. Peggy gave her instructions on how to get there, it was Austria, in the Alps and the sole reason why Toni hated the cold even more. So the next thing Toni knew, she was using the Iron Man suit and flying to Austria. During the flight, Toni thought of everything that happened since her arrival in the timeline. What would happen if Toni… took Bucky’s place instead? Would she not exist in the present? Would Bucky be alive with Steve then too? She tried not to think of it too much, if she had to, she would cross that bridge when the time came.

Toni made sure to land discreetly on the train station without anyone seeing and tapped the arc reactor to retrieve the suit. When she arrived, it was nightfall and there was a car waiting for her. Toni didn’t question any of what was happening, only getting in and being driven away. The anxiety and nerves were buzzing inside her, making her fidget more and bite her lip till it was bleeding. Her leg was bouncing up and down repeatedly during the drive, looking outside the window to see snowflakes falling down, coating everything lightly. She checked her watch for the fiftieth time, noting it was now almost three am, and she wondered where she was even going. The car dropped her off at an old hotel, and left immediately, leaving her with her belongings and the motorcycle. She was glad that she could at least bring it along, it was hard but it worked. 

Toni was clearly expected because once she arrived, she was given a room key and was helped with bringing her belongings up. Once inside her room, Toni promptly sat in a chair, hands running through her hair, while trying to figure out what to do now. She was here, and tomorrow, the Howling Commandos, Captain America, and Bucky Barnes would go on a mission to retrieve Arnim Zola and find out what HYDRA’s plans would be. But while doing that, Bucky would fall from the train and become a weapon for HYDRA and the Soviet Union, resulting in many deaths including her parents’ death. So what was Toni to do with that information now? She had the ability to change it all, make sure that Bucky Barnes wouldn’t become a victim to brainwashing and lose his arm or take the fall for him. Toni was willing to take the fall for him if it came to that point even if the man didn’t know she loved him in the present timeline. 

She pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and putting it to her lips. Toni wanted this to be over already but she also didn’t want to be a coward, prove that she wouldn’t cut the wire so quickly like Steve once said. Toni realized that if she left now, contacted Loki somehow, she would still be leaving behind the clones or agents that HYDRA used her DNA on. There was a line up of agents that the SSR would have to deal with and Toni wasn’t sure if that would be a good time to leave. Especially that Agent that looks almost like her, Agent 42. She needed to be killed immediately, otherwise all hell would break loose, not that it didn’t already for Toni. Everything would have to wait until tomorrow, and that alone helped keep the nerves settled as Toni tried to think of a good plan. She had her gear, along with EDITH and Friday and the suit, but what was the plan exactly? 

For once in Toni’s goddamn life, she actually wanted to plan what would happen and Captain America could go screw himself if he saw her now. Toni did what she did best though, which is sleep instead of staying up all night thinking of what to do. She hoped that it would come to her in the nighttime or at least in the early hours of the morning.  


____________

It was four am when Toni woke up, her throat dry from shouting in her sleep from another nightmare. Times like these made Toni wish she had Bucky with her, holding her and coaxing her back to sleep, and that is what kept Toni up the rest of the morning. She didn’t want the man that she loved to suffer but also, didn’t want to lose the man she had fallen in love with in the present. So it was difficult for Toni to try to figure out what to do. What would happen if she did let Bucky fall? He probably wouldn’t even remember her if she did that, not like the Bucky from her time didn’t notice her. Except for those small things he did but that was because he had someone to mother hen over now, since Steve was no longer sick or asthmatic anymore. 

Today was the day something could change, or someone would at least not lose a limb in the process. So Toni did what Peggy instructed; the Howling Commandos would be leaving later today, to find the train that Zola was supposedly on. Peggy told her to try to avoid them at all costs and try to get Zola himself out of the train. If any of them were injured, Toni was to bring them back herself and if she was injured herself, retreat immediately, without anyone seeing. Toni thought it was funny that they used her as the backup, but she was also the weapon as Colonel Phillips once called her. Steve may have the serum now, but Toni was the best for missions themselves sometimes. It was better than being called the Merchant of Death, she was stopping something from becoming bigger than it already was. 

Determined, Toni put on her gear, putting her guns in their holsters, her knives in the right places, and put the EDITH glasses on and the earpiece. 

“Babygirl, how was your nap?” 

“Fine, Boss. Would you like me to start up FROST, Boss?” Toni chuckled at the acronym, she created the acronym when she was incredibly sleep deprived. For Real Old School Timer, of course it doesn’t really make sense but hey, she was tired. She was also able to create an A.I in the motorcycle, how she did it, Toni would never know for certain, stuff like this only happened when she was not fully functioning. She could hear people shrieking downstairs when Friday turned on FROST, smiling to herself as she brought out a matchstick and dropped it on the suitcase of clothing she brought. Toni knew that today would be the last day she would be here, she didn’t need anyone to tell her that, not even Loki. It was meant to be a full circle, was it not? She’s already altered many events with just being here, so she knew the time had come for all the fun and games to end. Boy, was Toni ready to go home, but she was glad to see her Aunt again and see Mr. Salty, aka Colonel Phillips too. 

She walked out the room, walking down the stairs quickly, stopping abruptly when she saw Howard at one the small tables, having a cup of coffee. He nodded to her before walking with her outside, curiously looking over the motorcycle she redesigned. “Wow, dear, nice job on the bike.” Toni rolled her eyes at the comment, patting Howard on the back before getting on. “Howard, I just want to say---”

“You're going on that mission, aren’t you?”

“Yes, how’d you know?”

“Peggy told me I should say goodbye since I’m planning to go back to New York sooner or later. Wanted me to say my goodbyes now to ya.” He pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tightly while Toni ignored the tears threatening to escape. “Look, Howard, if I don’t make it back, just please look out for Steve and Bucky. Please, for me.” 

“Toni, you're coming back. I’ll pay Steve money if it means you're coming back in one piece.”

“You know, I’m not even supposed to be on this mission, I’m supposed to only be doing desk work.” Howard chuckled, swinging an arm around her, “we both know you don’t like Colonel Phillips enough to actually listen to him.” 

“Hmm, that is true… But hey, I'm serious Stark, I don’t need those two to be in more trouble if I don’t make it.” She pulled his face towards her, making him look straight at her, “promise me, you’ll look out for them even if you can’t physically be there.” 

“I promise, scout’s honor.” 

“You were never a boy scout, were you?” Toni crossed her arms over her chest while looking at him incredulously. “Yeah I was no boy scout growing up but I was decent enough. Promise me you’ll be careful then too?”

“Aye aye Mister Stark, but can’t promise anything.” Howard rolled his eyes before he waved at her as she drove away. Toni laughed to herself as she drove, knowing she would miss those hilarious moments with Howard. Toni was happy that she learned more about her father, but still a little fuzzy on the details of what went wrong after Cap went into the ice. Their friendship was pretty good, they were almost best friends had Steve not been best friends with Bucky already. That could be a question Toni asked Nick Fury when she came back home, because the details were really confusing. 

The terrain of where she was driving became rockier and bumpier, having too many encounters with the edges of cliffs. Luckily, there was a path in the snow that enabled Toni to ride on without too many complications, but damn, did she hate the snow. She would have to work more on motorcycles when she went back because she loved the way this one worked. It was a decent job with the technology she was able to use in this timeline. 

She listened to AC/DC while driving, slightly calming her nerves down, while Friday warned her of suspicious heat signatures. In the distance, Toni could hear the noises of a train coming along with noises from behind her being heard. Toni looked back in time to see the same agent she had met along with a few others. _Well, this is lovely, guess I gotta go out with a bang._ She knew she was running out of path to ride on, and those girls knew it too. So Toni did something that would have Pepper and Rhodey panicking instantly, which was driving right off the cliff. She rode right off the edge, noticing that the train was right below to catch her, Friday warning her of the heat signatures of the Howling Commandos in the distance. The second she drove off the cliff, it all happened in slow motion, the other HYDRA girls stopping while Agent 42 continued to follow, clearly not caring that she was driving off the edge.

Toni was able to safely land on the train, Agent 42 right behind her, as Toni drove further, trying to get to the car where Zola might be. Knowing that the HYDRA agent wouldn’t give up easily she turned in time to shoot the woman right in the head and then hit one of her tires. She watched as the agent and motorcycle fell off the train into the icy cold river down below. She continued to drive until she could see the zipline across the train to the otherside. Toni wasn’t planning on waiting for the Howling Commandos, this was a mission, and after this, it ended for her, well, go out with a bang. She sped up, trying to get to the end of the train but it was impossible at the moment. It didn’t help that the path to get to the end of the train was hard because of the connectors. 

Suddenly, there were HYDRA soldiers coming out of two hatches up ahead, getting their weapons ready to aim at Toni. She realized that she’d have to say goodbye to FROST, and with that, got off the bike, letting it drive off a few of the soldiers. She ran towards them, shooting and slicing as she went until she heard pairs of feet behind. Toni whipped her head around, aiming the gun at whoever was moving, only letting out a breath when it was only Steve, Bucky, and Happy Sawyer. She rolled her eyes at them before kicking the dead soldiers off the train. 

She was able to walk down a ladder on the side of the train, ignoring them all and pushing a button to open a door. Walking inside, Toni closed the door, hearing nothing as the silence was making her worry even more. She heard the door open again before closing, only her breathing silencing the noise. The sounds of feet moving and the rumble of the train going, Toni continued her way through the cars. It was fine until the doors closed on her, and Toni turned in time to see Steve being closed in, not seeing Bucky with him. _He must’ve been closed off another car_ Toni tried kicking the door, while Steve tried breaking through it with his shield. 

She turned in time to see a HYDRA soldier coming towards her with tesseract-powered weapons at hand. The soldier advanced on her as Toni shot bullet after bullet, the bullets being weak against the uniform the soldier was wearing. Toni ran towards the soldier, using her legs to flip him onto the ground and squeezing them together to cut off his circulation. She saw an opening through the soldier’s helmet and shot him, the soldier slumping against her. Toni collapsed onto the ground, trying to calm down her erratic breathing and using the weapon to make a whole through the door. She ran after Steve and Bucky, dragging along the weapon with and breaking open the door just in time to see Steve opening the door. 

Seeing them both ok, Toni ran in the opposite direction, towards Zola and almost made it, emphasizing on the almost. There was another HYDRA soldier with the same weapon, too fast for Toni to pull any of hers out, and blasting a hole into the side of the train. With the blast, Toni gasped as she flew out the train, holding tightly onto the bar of the destroyed train wall. 

“Toni!” They both shouted as Toni held on tightly, panting heavily while Bucky climbed out, holding onto the bar while reaching a hand out to Toni. She smiled towards him, tears falling down as he held his hand out to her. 

“Come on Toni! Take my hand!” He reached enough that she was able to, and Toni reluctantly grabbed on, screaming as the bar gave away. Bucky struggled to hold onto her while Steve tried to get to them both, holding onto her tightly. Dangling from mid air, Toni looked up at Bucky, trying not to sob, and smiled up at him sweetly. 

“Let me go. James, it’s okay.” She could see the tears in his eyes as he tried to hold onto her, shaking his head frantically. 

“No, no, no, please Toni. No.” Before either of them could say no, the bar Bucky was holding onto broke off, just as Steve was holding his hand out. They both gasped before Steve was screaming for their names, Toni screaming and Bucky’s shouts blocking out everything else. When they fell, Bucky looked into her eyes, pulling her towards him and hugging her tightly as they fell. Toni was silently thankful that she could at least save his arm, and that was when she kissed him, everything forgotten for just a second. 

“I love you Bucky.” Pressing their foreheads together, Bucky kissed her one final time before they landed on the snowy ground, both holding each other as they landed. Toni blacked out once they landed, forgetting everything because of the way Bucky was holding her. 

____________

Toni woke up, panting frantically before traces of red were next to her. She tried to get up but was stopped by a weight laying on her, unconscious. She scrambled to get up, her limbs slowly regaining feeling as she finally stood up. The sight before her though broke her heart, Bucky was lying there, blood coming from his left forearm. Toni collapsed to her knees, not even caring if she was sobbing, clutching Bucky’s upper body tightly to her chest. She didn’t care whether or not Bucky’s blood was smeared onto her gear or that it was on her cheek. 

She cradled his body, crying softly and whispering her apologies to him over and over again. “I’m so sorry Bucky. This wasn’t meant to happen,” she sobbed into his shoulder, not noticing the person standing behind her. 

“Antonia---”

“Don’t, don’t say anything. Not when he’s like this. Please, Loki.” The tears blinded Toni’s vision but pressed his cold forehead to hers. She heaved a heavy sigh before finally kissing his forehead, his nose, and finally, his cold lips. She broke it off with a sob, hugging him tightly one last time before looking back at Loki. Loki was standing in the cold wintery air, hand stretched out towards her, a look of pity and concern on his face. She swallowed hard before standing up finally, giving Bucky one more kiss before taking Loki’s hand.  
“We don’t speak of any of this when we get back.” She looked at him sternly before Loki nodded solemnly. Toni took a deep breath, squeezing Loki’s hand lightly before she was falling, _again_. She screamed, flailing through the sky just as the other Avengers were finishing the fight. Toni was flailing around so much, she didn’t even think about touching the arc reactor to get the suit on. She didn’t have any comms on her to hear the team speaking, or that Toni was very close to becoming a pancake on the streets of Manhattan. The only thing stopping her was Hulk catching her and throwing her to the ground, causing a giant hole to appear. 

Toni groaned, her head was pounding as she blinked up at the sky, rolling her eyes before getting up. _Jesus, I’m too old for this_. Standing up, Toni looked around, taking in the 21st century New York, already missing Brooklyn. She walked or climbed rather, out of the hole and noticed that Loki had dropped her at a rather inconvenient time. She was grieving a dead man, or no, a man that was alive but dead to her right now. She walked along the street, ignoring the looks from strangers that just noticed a woman falling into a big, giant, hole. Toni didn’t know where the rest of the team was or where the Hulk went, but the best she could do was walk back to the tower. 

She quietly walked back to the tower, pondering what just happened and how everything was just back to normal, again? Toni missed everything about the 40s’ though, the way little boys would cry over the price of a newspaper or women giggling about their boyfriends while she walked down the street. There were fresh tears now in her eyes, and Toni swiftly wiped them away, stopping to buy a pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. Toni knew she probably looked like a mess, tear-streaked face with a cigarette in her mouth, yes the definition of messed up. 

Also, it probably looked like Toni murdered something and she wouldn’t tell anyone either that it was Bucky Barnes’ blood on her gear or on her face. Walking into the lower level of the tower, her assistant only nodded at her before she passed through security and up the elevator. Toni leaned heavily against the elevator, exhausted and depressed by everything that happened. She wondered what Steve thought when they both fell, and honestly, the thought of using the suit would’ve been a good idea. But it would’ve attracted more attention from HYDRA and Steve didn’t deserve all of that. She felt bad for leaving Steve like that and prayed that he wasn’t blaming himself for their supposed deaths. 

Throwing her old cigarette out, she pulled another one out, trying to light it as the elevator doors opened to the whole team looking right at her. Toni ignored them of course, like she usually did, and walked the rest of the way by stairs. She ignored their calls to her and continued to walk up the stairs, visibly wiping away the tears and walking to her floor. Once there, Toni broke down entirely, collapsing to the floor as she threw the cigarette out and stayed there. She could’ve done more, she could’ve stopped it and yet, it still happened. Toni didn’t even understand the part where Bucky had lost part of his arm, she was holding tightly onto him the entire way down. 

“Boss, Captain Rogers would like to speak to you.” 

“Tell him to go fuck himself. Initiate lockdown protocol, no one is allowed in, Friday. I mean it.” She felt utterly disappointed in herself and she knew she didn’t need to feel that way but she did. Toni could’ve saved Bucky from all the brainwashing and torture and yet, it didn’t happen. Being here now, Toni didn’t know what to do, what to say either, so she did what she did best. Ignore everything and work, work until she collapsed from exhaustion. 

____________

It’s not until she’s finally run out of coffee supplies that she goes to the communal floor to get more. She doesn’t even pay attention to anyone else but the coffee machine. Toni has been awake for approximately more than a hundred hours, and four and half days, or that’s what Friday said. She is walking from the elevator when she realizes something… did Agent 42 actually die? Toni quietly asks Friday to find any information on it while she gets coffee. Ignoring her other team mates when they’re at the table, all having breakfast together. 

“Boss, I’ve found something, you're not gonna like it.” Friday’s irish voice murmured near Toni, and she didn’t like the sound of it. “What is it Friday?”

“It seems you never killed Agent 42, HYDRA had found her body and she was still breathing but in terrible condition. They put her in Cryo shortly after creating the Winter Soldier Program.” 

“So, she never died? Friday, find everything you know on what HYDRA has done since then. I have to find her.” Toni walked away from the coffee machine and looked at her teammates, she was glad that they didn’t even notice her right away. Natasha didn’t even notice her and usually she’s the first person to notice Toni coming through the elevator, in a zombie trance. A hologram pulled up right in front of her, showing pictures of Agent 42 being dragged from the snow along with Bucky Barnes, there small films of them torturing her for abilities. Toni looked closer in disgust, to see that they cut off her right arm, replacing it with a metal one. Clearly, whatever they were trying to create from having Toni’s blood samples didn’t work and they weren’t satisfied. 

“Thank you, Friday.” She whispered quietly, walking away from the kitchen, and avoiding eye contact with anyone who tried. Toni was so focused on trying to be discreet, she didn’t notice the person walking right in front of her. She collided with the person, managing to not overspill her coffee while she looked up to meet silver-grey eyes, “sorry.” Walking away from him quickly, Toni got into the elevator and looked down at the floor. How is it that she just looked at a man that was dead but alive? Just now? 

With the new found information that her doppelganger was out there, Toni needed to find her. If or when she did find her, Toni would have to kill her. It was the only way to stop what she created from happening again. No one should’ve had the Extremis and superserum to begin with except Toni, so it all led to this one decision. Along with that, she was still grieving a dead man, or a sorta dead man that was alive now and well improving from the brainwashing and all. 

Toni was no longer in the 40s’ era, she had to clear up any messes she left behind which were experiments that never should’ve happened. She didn’t like it one bit to begin with. That’s how Toni found herself traveling from any place that could’ve had a trace of what was left from the experiments. She knew of the Winter Soldier Program, apparently didn’t work so well on a group of people and ended up killing them in Cryo. Toni thought it was ridiculous that they thought killing her father to get the serum would make their top kill squad the same as Bucky. Then again, HYDRA didn’t really think, they just did. Toni ended up in Siberia, near an abandoned bunker, said to be where the Winter Soldier kill squad was. She arrived using the Iron Man suit and looked around, noticing that she was now in the snow again, and that snowflakes were falling. Toni would’ve enjoyed the moment, it just wasn’t really her thing at the moment though so she made her way to the abandoned bunker. Blasting a hole through the old steel doors, she walked in, repulsors at the ready for intruders. 

There, the Cryo chambers were, each of the Winter Soldiers were, sitting in chairs in a tube. _Not the prettiest I’ve ever seen, but it will do_. She looked around, noticing the tubes were wired from a power source somewhere out of sight. Toni looked around further, tapping the suit back into the arc reactor and pulling one of her gun out of its holster. She didn’t entirely like the way there was a silence but carefully, Toni made her way around the bunker quietly. She opened a door, leading to an old office with pictures and folders inside. She picked up old photos, emotions running through her when they were pictures of Bucky before the brainwashing, along with pictures of… _her_. 

There were pictures of her, and she did not like it at all, there she was lying in a bed, strapped and cuffed. _Jesus, they really wanted me to look bad_. Toni snarled at the photo, bringing out her lighter and watching it burn. HYDRA and the Soviet Union had no right to do what they did to Bucky, and now he was a different man because of it. Toni looked at all the photos, the papers, and folders piled on the office, desk, ignoring the tears that fell down her cheek. She walked out of the room, finding a half full gas tank and walked back in, drenching everything in gasoline before throwing the lighter at it. Toni continued to pour gasoline on the floors of the bunker until she reached the Cryo chambers. Aiming her gun at each soldier, Toni shot them through the head, pouring the finished tank around them. 

Toni looked around just in time, to see the exact agent she was looking for, Agent 42. “Fancy meeting you here.” The agent craned her neck at her, walking towards Toni before she could do anything, “I gave up everything to do this job, don’t ruin it.” 

“Well, you see, you wouldn’t even be here without my DNA in your system.” The agent snarled at her before choking Toni, dragging into the snow as the rest of the bunker was on fire. “W-what are you g-gonna do? Huh? G-gonna kill me already, sunshine?” Toni gasped as black dots appeared in her vision, the hand around her throat tightening. “No, you can’t die, remember?” 

“Neither can you.” Elbowing her in the face, Toni was released from the tight hold, running away from Agent 42 towards a cliff, trying to get out of reach from the other woman. She could make it to the otherside, she could, but it was risky. When did Toni ever think risk was what she worried about? _you only live once, Toni._ She held her breath as she ran, her lungs burning as she panted heavily, hearing footsteps trying to keep up with her. She jumped off the cliff, not even breathing before her legs found land again, looking behind her as Agent 42 stopped running. Toni tapped the arc reactor, the suit spreading on her quickly before she flew into the air again. 

Looking back, Toni saw the agent was gone, out of sight like usual and Toni was grateful that she was gone. She didn’t want to fight today, but when did Toni ever get what she wanted? She watched from afar, the bunker blowing up, pieces flying everywhere before she flew away. Friday warned her that she would need to go see a doctor about her injuries while she flew. Toni being Toni, ignored it, she refused medical assistance and continued on her way back to the tower. “Fuckin HYDRA, always ruining everything.” 

She came back when the Avengers were gathered on the main floor, watching a movie while eating dinner. The doors of the elevator opened as Toni lit up another cigarette, staining the paper a dark red as she put it to her lips. Sometimes Toni isn’t sure whether she should be smoking right now, it was a nasty habit to pick up in the first place. She knew she couldn’t count on Extremis healing everything forever, that was another thing about the healing factor. Everything felt dirty right now and at the same time, there was rage filling the void of emptiness that Toni was feeling right now. Agent 42 managed to get away, unseen, and out of harm when she was in Siberia. 

She was still in the same clothes she wore during the fight in Siberia, but Toni knew that she looked like a mess. Even with injuries, Toni didn’t have to be told that she looked terrible. But the memories of Agent 42’s face and the memories of the past kept Toni from focusing on anything else. Hearing movement, Toni looked in time to see Steve and Bucky staring at her, nothing showing in their eyes. Toni remembered when she would see happiness shining in Steve’s eyes or charm in Bucky’s position. Fascinating how everything could change with the flick of a hand or a portal instantly. She was unsure of what their expressions were telling her but Toni knew that it had to be pity, right? Probably because Toni Stark looked like an utter mess right now, maybe add in some PTSD and some heartbreak too. Or even a pinch of grief and mourning and there you have it, folks, Toni Stark, at her best. God, her therapist would not approve of any of these thoughts right now, she knows her Rhodeybear wouldn’t. 

Toni holds her spare lighter tightly, ignoring the stares while moving to the kitchen. Quickly, she makes herself a cup of coffee, even if some of the others have noticed her presence now too. They can probably see the scratches that Agent 42 left behind or the marks around her neck that were healing steadily. Toni’s too caught up in her thoughts to hear Sam come over or to see Natasa move a bit to find her. No, all Toni can really think is that she has to find Agent 42 and kill her. She wonders if maybe this is her way of getting over Bucky’s ‘death’ and moving on to what’s happening in the present. But then there’s the screaming and crying that’s going on in her head, it’s probably a headache. It feels like though, that she’s back in HYDRA, where there’s a muzzle on her and she can’t move. 

It makes Toni’s hand tighten a little on the cup, almost spilling as she narrowly avoids Sam coming. He only smiles at her, moving to get the popcorn from the cabinet. She decides to ignore it entirely, drinking the coffee and dropping the cigarette onto the floor. Momentarily, Toni can hear her cleaning bot coming to pick it up swiftly as she goes back to the elevator. Friday doesn’t ask which floor she wants, taking her immediately to the training room instead of the penthouse. When Toni makes her way to the training room, she grabs a punching bag that’s supersoldier proof and hangs it. She grabs tape and boxing gloves, hearing her heartbeat loudly in her ears. Toni knows that she’s starting to panic now, from the way her hands start to shake and the steady flow of tears coming down her face. 

“Fuck,” Toni presses her head against the cool fabric of the punching bag, trying to control her breathing. This is not the time nor the place but at the same time, it’s perfect for Toni to take her anger out on something that isn’t Agent 42 or HYDRA. Taping her hands, Toni steps out of her ruined clothes, leaving herself only in spandex shorts and a sports bra. There’s still dirt in the creases of her body but Toni doesn’t care right now. There’s no time to dwell on the small things now, only a punching bag with Agent 42’s face on it. So Toni ignores how her hands slightly shake again or the tears that are now angry ones. Every punch feels good, the way her muscles move fluidly while the punching bag sways in different directions. There’s no one to coach her on how hard she should hit the bag or how she needs to take a breather. _There is no one_ , and Toni should get used to that now. 

There’s sweat pouring down her body now, forehead dripping and body dripping. It’s nothing that will stop Toni from hitting harder and harder. She keeps hitting it over and over again, while every event runs through her head again and again. In every punch, Toni puts all her anger, her grief, and sadness into it, not caring if there is an ache in her arms. She lets out a mildly loud cry with each hit, not caring if anyone is listening to her or if the team is watching her from downstairs. Toni is exhausted, she should rest, it’s what any normal person would. When was Toni Stark ever normal though? She was never meant to be, from the very beginning when Maria Carbonell-Stark cried out while giving birth to her. Or how Howard wasn’t there for the birth, just afterwards when they were both cleaned up. 

When she’s done, Toni ignores the way the chains break when the punching bag is thoroughly damaged. All she has left are some more scratches, a broken heart to fix, and some revenge. It’s not healthy, none of it is, Toni knows that. She’s smart enough to realize everything that she does, despite what others think. Toni doesn’t realize either the hologram that shows both supersoldiers what she’s doing at the moment. Or that they’ve realized who she actually is, slowly putting the pieces together. Friday doesn’t say anything about when they ask politely, not knowing whether it’s crossing a boundary or not. Bucky doesn’t care, all he wants to know is, why does Toni look so familiar. Why does she look so similar to the girl he fell in love with so long ago?

Cleaned up now, Toni finally Toni sits at the kitchen table, the few pictures she had, spread out before her. Every second she looked at each photo, the more sick Toni got, most of the photos were of her. It was during the period that Toni was unconscious most of it, the times they put her in a wheelchair, muzzled her, and brought her to testing. Looking at them made Toni more angry, she wanted them to burn to the ground for what they did, thanks to HYDRA, Toni had the superserum in her, along with the Extremis in her system already. Holding back on all those emotions wouldn’t end well for Toni if she wasn’t careful.


	8. One last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni finally comes to terms with what happened and Bucky and Toni finally talk again 
> 
> Translation:  
> Mon cher - my dear  
> Котенок - kitten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Updated chapter February 2021*

In the coming weeks, Toni avoided the Avengers altogether, not even bothering to show up to movie nights or team dinners. What Toni was doing was trying to find Agent 42 again, get as much information as she could and finally destroy her. She knew it was unhealthy, she was blinded by rage, anger, hurt, blah blah, her therapist would be happy that she discovered these feelings. On top of that, she didn’t even look at Barnes, because she doubted he would remember any of this so why bother? She didn’t want to get her hopes up so she ignored Steve and Barnes both. Unless one of them brought it up, Toni wasn’t planning on talking any time soon. 

Which is why Toni went to more board meetings, press conferences, and business trips than before. Pepper was surprised but grateful that Toni was willing to go. At the moment, she was working on a project for SI while listening to AC/DC like usual. She wasn’t paying attention to the elevator doors opening to find both Barnes and Rogers walking towards her. 

“Hey Toni,” Toni whipped her around, hand on her gun in her pants immediately before relaxing again. Forcing a smile on her face, she looked at them both, “hey Cap.” Barnes only nodded to her before they sat down at the table with her in the kitchen. She noticed the way Rogers was fidgeting with his hands and Barnes was looking at Rogers with his famous murder stare. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you soldiers here? Hmm? Not that I don’t enjoy your company but I do have work to do.” 

“We came to talk to you about something.” Toni looked up from her schematics, waving her hand at Rogers to continue, “there are memories, memories that have resurfaced between Bucky and myself.” Toni halted at what she was doing, looking at both of them, heart slightly elevating hearing those words. _Well, fuck, what am I supposed to do now?_ “What sort of memories?”  
“Memories that include you, specifically…” The sentence trailed off as Toni scowled at Barnes, Bucky. If Steve remembered, did Bucky too? Was it possible that he might’ve remembered what they had, or was that too much to ask? 

“What do you remember?” 

“Everything, I remember everything.” Toni snapped her head up at Bucky, meeting his eyes for the first time in weeks. He looked at her, and she could’ve sworn she saw the old Bucky looking at her now, not noticing the hand that linked with hers. 

“Bucky I---”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He snapped, standing up and glaring at her as he walked towards her, Rogers slowly getting up as well. She swallowed, not meeting his eyes, “one can never be too sure, now can they?” Toni ignored the look of hurt from Bucky’s eyes before looking at Steve’s, nodding. She could see the way he gritted his teeth, grounding them almost, before shaking his head, pulling Barnes with him. Toni turned her back towards them both, pretending to look at schematics when really, the tears were starting to brim. She squeezed her eyes shut, her mouth agape before opening them, exhaling silently, letting her pain be expressed. 

_This was better, wasn’t it?_ No one gets hurt now, and no one can think there was ever something. Why did she do it? Why, why, the goddamn questions were hurting Toni’s brain. She got up in time, looking at the windows, hand playing with her lips as she thought it over. Toni moved, and that was the moment she regretted moving, hearing the _click!_ Toni turned in time, seeing a line connect to a grenade from where she was standing. 

It broke out, causing the grenade to go off, the pressure breaking all the windows of the communal floor, sending Toni flying through them. Her mouth opened but nothing came out as she was blown into the waiting wind. She was falling over a hundred feet from the level she was at, her arms flailing in the air as she was coming closer to the ground. Toni gripped tightly onto Agent 42, both of them snarling at each other. “Oh good, I was starting to think you forgot me.” 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“If you mean by destroying that base, I had good reason for it,” that earned Toni a harsh slap to the face before she kicked the HYDRA agent back. “What do you want?” The silence was deafening and Toni was getting more and more annoyed by the second. Did the women not understand that she ruined a really nice building plus how the hell did she make it through security? 

“This world cannot have both of us in it,” honestly, Toni was starting to question everything that HYDRA ever said. This was HYDRA talking not a woman who was changed forever. “It can and it will, HYDRA doesn’t exist anymore. The only way it could be is if you rebuilt what you’ve learned. I know you can do it but do you really want to?” She could see the thoughts running through Agent 42’s eyes, eyes darting back and forth quickly. “Then you must kill me, mon cher.”

“What? No! Are you crazy?”

“It is the only way--”

“Well, yes but you aren’t supposed to agree!” The agent looked at Toni, hands slipping into her pocket to get a grenade. She held tightly onto Toni as they continued to fall, both identical brown eyes looking at each other. “Why?”

“Because I was created to kill, and before I thought it was for peace. To help the human race. That is what HYDRA told me. I believed them but now, people have suffered because of me.”

“You don’t know that,” Toni looked at her, trying to figure out what Agent 42 meant. “My name was Natasha, now it is just 42.” 

“You're a Stark, ya know that right? My father would be rolling in his grave right now about this, probably laughing.” 

“So, you are Antonia Stark, and I am Natasha… Stark?”

“Oui, but is this really what you want? If this is your way of making me feel guilty about wanting to kill you then it’s a good job.” Natasha shook her head at Toni, smiling for the very first time at her, “no, I have hurt people. I have hurt the person you loved once.”

“He’s still--”

“I know he’s alive but I didn’t stop what they did. I was the one who dragged him to Zola.”

“You were brainwashed, Natasha.” 

“I must die, goodbye Antonia…” Before she could say more, the women both landed on the earth hard, knocking the wind out of Toni’s weak lungs. She grunted before making eye contact with Natasha again, before the women had the grenade in her hands, giving Toni warning. _No._ Natasha shoved her out of the way just as Toni’s hands slid from her arms. 

Toni’s eyes shined brightly as the explosion happened in front of her. Everything became dark though, and for once, Toni didn’t fight it.

______________________ 

There are moments in life where Toni wished some things weren’t real. Like how Obadiah never really loved her, only saw her as the _golden goose_ of Stark Industries. Or how Bucky Barnes managed to kill her parents and yet--she still loved him--which is kinda unfair and maybe a little messed up. All her life, Toni never for sure if she would ever make Howard proud of her, she was never sure if he would ever see the day.

But if someone asked her if she regretted going back in time and learning more about the Great Captain that her father always talked about, Toni would say she didn’t. Not for one moment. But what she would regret is staying in a hospital again… why this kept happening, Toni wished she knew the answer. Well, actually she did know, she just---didn’t want to be here at all. She refused to open her eyes, already sensing the presence of all her teammates. She didn’t want to deal with the questioning or the interrogation for that matter. Sadly though, Toni wasn’t lucky as per usual. 

“Toni, we know you're awake, your eyes are fluttering.” She mentally cursed everything holy right now, already wanting to walk out of there, giving them all the bird. Toni opened her eyes, the flashing memories of Peggy staying by her bedside or Steve staring her down with his ‘Captain America is disappointed face’. She ignored the concerned looked from Bucky and Steve or the rest of the group for that matter. 

“Stop looking at me as if I'm dead. I’m fine.” 

“Toni there was an explosion and you were right there when it happened.” 

“I’m aware, _Rogers_ , I distinctly remember it.” Toni scowled at Steve before quickly removing the IV drip, pushing the cheap hospital blanket away. She didn’t care how injured she was, she was getting out of here even if it killed her. Toni stood up on shaky legs, finding fresh clothes next to her hospital bed. She quickly pulled on the underwear before grabbing the rest of the clothes, shoving Clint and Wanda out of the way. A chorus of her name was being heard as she walked out the door, passing the doctors and nurses quickly. All Toni could see was the flashing memories of the past coming back, memories that she shared with Bucky and Steve. 

She ignored the nurse calling her name to sign out before she was out the door. Toni walked swiftly into the street, relieved to feel cool air against her hot skin. She was glad that Extremis was finally kicking in full swing. It was the only thing keeping her alive now, and for that Toni was grateful. Toni could hear the patter of feet and the door swinging open before she saw the light turn red. Toni walked across the crosswalk as fast as her legs could take her, even though it was uncomfortable in bare feet. It was like the last hospital visit all over again.

_She walked into the street, not caring about what anyone else was thinking. She was walking so fast, she didn’t see the car coming. Until someone pulled their hand to grab her. Toni met blue grey eyes, the concern shining through them, boring into hers._

The noise of a honk jolted Toni out of her trance before she continued walking, not even realizing the cold sweat she was having. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to keep the tears at bay. Toni clutched her clothes to her chest even more as she walked, not caring anymore if anyone was following her. She headed quickly to the tower, ignoring the estranged looks from her employees as she walked into the elevator. “Take me to the penthouse Fri.” The elevator started as Toni slowly slid down the wall, hitting the ground with a thud. She squeezed her eyes shut, the tears finally coming down, her sobs filling the silence.

She pulled her knees together while her face leaned forward onto them, trying to muffle the sounds of her pain. Toni hated crying, she saw it as a weakness, something she can blame Howard on for. The elevator opened and Toni rushed out of it, trying to reach her room as fast as possible. Once inside, she slammed the door loudly, throwing her clothes onto the bed and rushing into the bathroom. She caught the sight of her reflection and Toni hated every bit of it. 

Toni didn’t know if it was being around other women that looked pretty or being in an era where they expected you to actually try. But she never felt more insecure than right now… gone was the girl with the perfect hair and perfect makeup, all dolled up. She grabbed the lamp from her nightstand, throwing it directly at the mirror, shattering it into pieces. The pieces represented every single part of her that was now changed, and because of one man alone. 

Toni kneeled to the ground, smashing the pieces even more, not caring if the shards dug into her hands. Every hit to the pieces was a hit on her, she destroyed everything. She walked past the mess of broken glass and blood, walking into the bedroom again. Was everyday like this now? Destroying things she once thought were precious or meaningful? Maybe she really did need to go back to therapy after Pepper suggested it long ago. After all, she did ruin everything for herself and for others too, Bucky would probably never want to talk to her again. She _was_ the one that denied everything that happened between them and for what? Because Toni was scared? 

She had been down this route so many times, questioning and rethinking, pacing until she couldn’t take it anymore. Toni couldn’t do this again, think, question, have her mind racing until she had a headache. Her heart ached for something like love, and Bucky was able to give her that plus so much more. Toni wanted him here every night with her, holding her, making Toni aware that she was safe. 

Could Toni live to regret this decision?

______________________ 

_She was standing in a dark room, mirrors showing every angle of herself to her. The urge to touch one overcame her._

_When she touched one, Toni stopped, her mirror self smiled at her, all teeth showing with wickedness shining her eyes. Her mirror self raised a finger, pointing in the direction behind Toni while Toni gave her a confused look.  
“Look,” it was a rough voice that answered her, making Toni bristle at the words. She looked behind her in time to see the Winter Soldier looking at her. There was black paint that was smeared across his eyes, a black mask covering the lower part of him. He stalked towards her as Toni neared him, she walked near him like he was a caged animal. _ _Her breathing stopped when a gun was raised to her forehead, meeting the Soldier’s dark eyes. There was nothing there, no remorse or sympathy. “Do it.” Toni turned around, seeing her mirror self smirking as she heard a click from the gun. Toni turned back around to see herself instead, the female version of the Winter Soldier._

_“This is what you were meant to become. You ruined everything.” Natasha Stark was next to her now, hands placed on both Toni’s shoulders. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Toni didn’t reply, her breathing becoming heavier and heavier. The Other Toni clicked the gun, aiming it right at her forehead before she said anything._

_Toni felt tentacles slithering up her body, squeezing her still as the Other Toni still held the gun to her forehead. “You are weak, pathetic. You could be better.”_

“Toni! Toni! Wake up! Come on, it’s only a dream! Toni!” Toni woke up, jolting up right before screaming. She trashed against the hands holding her eyes, trying to get away from the tight grip. “Toni, open your eyes,” she opened them, not even realizing that they were closed at all. Toni’s eyes opened, meeting blue grey eyes, she panted heavily before snatching her wrists away from his grip. She pulled her knees to her chest before curling in on herself. Toni felt a flesh and metal hand rest on her knees before pulling her face away from her hands. 

“Hey, look at me doll, everything’s ok. You're ok.” The words clearly didn’t register, seeing how Bucky repositioned himself to move a safe distance near her. “Wanna tell me about it?”

“I-it was myself, I was staring at myself through a mirror. There was a gun…” Toni didn’t finish, refusing to even meet Bucky’s eyes, how could she? After everything that happened, Toni couldn’t, she could’ve saved him, saved him all the pain and brainwashing. “Котенок, I can hear your thoughts from here and I’m pretty sure I know why you won’t talk to me now.” Toni’s neck snapped up, in time to see Bucky pull her towards him. 

“Listen, Котенок, whatever your thinking, it’s not your fault. Ok? You hear me? It wasn’t your fault and it never will be. Either way, I’d still fall, even if we went back to do it over five hundred times.” She sniffled before nodding, pulling him tightly to her chest as Bucky’s hands dug into her back. Toni gave him a watery smile before finally sighing, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders hearing those words. “C-can you stay with me tonight? Please?” She looked up at him nervously before he smiled at her, kissing her head and laying down. 

He pulled her towards him, metal and flesh hand digging into her hips before an arm wrapped around her waist. Bucky kissed the nape of her neck, melting into her, they were a perfect fit, just like they used to be. For once, Toni could actually breathe again, there wasn’t a pressure on her now, weighing her down. She had someone holding her safely again, wrapped in metal and blood, secured safely from the world again.


End file.
